Anointed condoms and anointed sewage: Zimbabwe a tragic religious joke

By Rayanne Prince Chidzvondo

And another headline hits the papers, “Congregants made to drink Anointed sewage.” Clearly it is safe to say, Dear white people, do claim your religion back. Yours truly, a nation of failures. 

I would rather eat grass, have my face DOOMed and eat a whole cup of OMO washing powder before I can have my royal tongue taste any sewage water! Never in the name of anointment or miracle shall I persevere these disturbing comedies. Sewage water, whether anointed or seasoned by salt, remains sewage water. The trouble it takes ones stomach to drink unfiltered ZINWA water is one struggle, how can sewage be any better?

My own State Of The Nation Address says we have failed at Religion like we have failed at everything else. Some aches we have suffered in the name of religion, have proven in time that we are imbalanced. As a nation of failures, this sector is just another statistic.

Zimbabwe like most African countries has currently been experiencing a rash of mushroom pastors and prophets. They are more churches in Africa than they are anthills in the Savannah. Small churches are springing up everywhere from garages to classrooms and my uncle’s veranda.

Because we are under educated and victims of poverty, a lot of people have become pastors in Zimbabwe, going after money and neglecting the duties of the real vocation. And of cause, making people drink sewage!

Our religious institutions have sunk so low its a living shock. Criminals no longer have any respect for the sacred houses of worship. Religious leaders have lost all respect. They are ever openly gallivanting and hobnobbing with politicians and public officer holders. They no longer lay much emphasis on righteousness, piety and long-suffering. Instead, material and financial wealth is now being publicly celebrated and honored regardless of its source.

To be a pastor is a process. One needs to learn scriptures thoroughly at a religious institution, follow a theological training and complete other various courses (Miracle making excluded).  After studying, he is then ordained as a pastor, but in Africa, the story is different.

Africans suffer the so called American dream that one day they will be something. It can be waking up a Trump, a Melania or a pastor. Either of the two, they are all money making plans. Only a few that have absolute confidence in faith and devotion take the challenge to go to school and follow the process, but these are man of little faith!

Being a pastor is an easy profession, it barely needs an O level. We have pastors in roads, in markets, in churches and in peoples bedrooms. They are in every dark and light avenue. They are preaching in the name of God, stealing in the name of God and our dearest Sanyangore will  make people drink salted sewage water in the name of God.

The fact that many people use God’s name to commit crime or abuse human nature is very disturbing. Sanyangore does not even bother to defend his ‘miraculous’ acts, declaring that he did not anoint this water but God did. And is it not fishy that every time these controversial miracles happen theres always a camera? Wether he is walking on water or having tea with angels? Hmm.

I guess we now have bond note pastors and US Dollar pastors, which one is he? Which one are thee?

What kind of pastor will use an insect repellent to heal people? What kind of prophet will carry the holy seed to birth the three-day miracle baby? What kind of a pastor will tell a woman to be naked before prayers, so she receives the Holy Spirit? What kind of pastor would tell his female congregation not put on pants, for so called air conditioning on every part of the body? What kind of pastor would perform such deeds and call himself a genuine pastor, a man of God? The lightning that will strike these men…

Our belief in God is a flight from reality. We only act it just because it is trendy to do so. A pastor will talk about building a 3km podium and asking his flock to donate thousands and millions for that. Is that what the people need, will you honestly be fooled by such happenings? Our pastors now go on private jets while half of the flock cant afford a car, now this is a LOL moment there!

And if his excuse is that he has to get to places where he is needed on time, why has he never condemned the minister of aviation or whoever is in charge to boost or better these services of the airlines? We keep failing at the most simple things, wether we are being fooled by greedy politics or attention seeking prophets, we are willing prey. We are the black widows sex mates.

My greatest disappointment at religion in Zimbabwe is how the church has repeatedly turned its eyes against social injustice. I expect the religious leaders to be extremely outspoken at corruption, but they won’t. Why would they? Most of them have their source of income from the corrupt individuals and therefore have their conscience seared. They won’t speak. Jesus, the Christian model was outspoken against corrupt people, against false leaders and wicked men. But the church today is failing largely in this regard.

Religion failed humanity a long time before it even reached our shores.

When the Europeans brought it to us, they already knew that they were bringing toxic dump to our shores. Britain and most of Europe began to progress when they started moving away from medieval churchianity that held them in the dark ages for more than a 1000 yrs. To see them as progressive today is also owes to the fact that they have completely emasculated religion from their national affairs. We can no longer hang onto religion to save Zimbabwe.

America, on the other hand was founded by people who so much loathed religion that they made it a point to seperate the church from affairs of the state. History has shown that it was a wise move.

The founding fathers of America were eminent Freemasons, the knights of free thought and renowned emasculators of religion.

Yes religion is a necessity, it stops the poor from killing the rich. It is only the stupidity of our people that makes them look upon religion to deliver Zimbabwe when it was incapable of delivering Europe for more than 1500 years of its dominance in history.

We have taken to believe that non African countries are sinful and all that jazz. But you know what? They are capable of showing mercy and compassion. They give aid to the less privileged. They clothe the unclad. They hold the human life at so high esteem that they find it odd to stone and kill the thief. My people are so religious that we disregard the laws of the Book. It is not odd to mob and kill a common thief on our way from Sunday service. Corruption is our second name.

It is now safe to point how people are finally beginning to ask questions about the role and purposes of religion. Most of us who are lucky to have escaped the iron bars of religion know that we are living in a country filled with religious zombies. Why celebrate independence? We are not independent are we?

 

•  Rayanne Prince Chidzvondois a political analyst and social commentator for Khuluma Afrika