By Mukomana We Kuseri
Ummm. Vanhu! Munoziva kunohi kudheregwa? Do you know what is called being ….forget it, munoziva? Am I the only one who is angered by what is happening in our country? When funny, overfed and useless hangers-on think that it is alright to allow whatever orifice they posses to spew tosh onto our suffering selves?
Surely surely this Nathaniel Manheru fellow, does he think that he is fooling us? Us? According to the Independent; “Charamba told the Zimbabwe Independent government would use all methods available to bring to book journalists who report on the military.
“If you do not heed the advice, then we will descend on you heavily. The minister warned you and quote me on this, we will use other instruments to make sure you stop reporting on military issues,” Charamba said.” I hope those at the Independent do not mind me quoting them, isu vekuseri tagara tori vokungokumbira.
Honestly? You want to start zvokutsikana konzi, stepping on our corns, to what end? Ma disnyongoro hatidi mhani. Are you sure you want to start that war? Was the person you used to copy from absent from class when they taught that the pen is mightier than the sword nhai Charamba?
Munhu wepi? Person of where? Unowawata semunhu akazvangwa chembere dzainda kudoro. Waffling like one born when the old women had gone to the drink! Nxa! I am angry, but what I do not get is, why am I the only one?
First, who is the ‘we’ in the ‘we will descend on you heavily’? Far as I know, Charamba is not from the security services. And last time I checked, threatening anyone with bodily of other harm (and it would be grievous bodily harm if his fat self descended on anyone), is a criminal offence. Are the police going to descend on him heavily? Or will they again plead that they are busy chasing after maCombi for chibhanzi?
So now we know why Nqaba Matshazi and Xolisani Ncube have been arrested. And now we know who was behind the arrest and torture of vana Ray Choto. Am I the only one who thinks that when we take back our country from this lunatic band of thieves we must descend heavily on Charamba and his boss, and the wife, and the children, and even the son in law, him that dresses like Kofi Olomide even at his own wedding?
Descend and descend upon them until the chickens come home to roost, or until madhongi akuma, whichever occurs first. Descend on them for getting fat on our diamonds revenue while they feed us nhoko dzezvironda. Descend on them for war crimes, for crimes against humanity, and yes, for the arrest and torture of journalists.
Does Charamba seriously believe that I am the only person that is angered enough by his piffle to plan guru chair for him when it is our turn to rule? The bible says the stone that was cast away became to cornerstone. Ibwe rakaraswa ndiro rakahoita musoro wekona. Isu veseri, mberi. Munhu wese ari mberi kwaamai mazuvano, kumashure. Then we will descend. Heavily.
Does Manheru, aka Charamba, not realise that we know what he is doing? That knowing that his godfather is about to kick the bucket, he is angling for a new protector, and figures that making these stupid statements purpotedly in support of the military he will be adopted by one of them? Does he think we are not clever enough to see through his scheme? Who does he think will protect them when the forces of change come?
Do not start us. Musatitanga. Kuda kutivhundidzira sekun’ombe hatidi, tinoavumbavo mazamu avana mai venyu tikaaputsa zvimere zvimbokoma apa. Nxa! Kugutisa mhani. Descending heavily my foot! Wil what? Disenda tivone, dununu romunhu. Hatimbokugamhi.
Claiming to be a ‘colleague’ of journalists, on what basis? Does parroting the regurgitated perfidy of a deluded senile President make you a journalist? Does speaking lies about the state of affairs at Dzimbabwe House make you a journalist?
President is fit as a fiddle my foot, have you ever touched a fiddle, Mr Manheru, aka Charamba? Have you, perchance, maybe descended on one heavily, such that it is now the one singling from where the sun don’t shine?
Mukomana We Kuseri
