What is going on at State House: A View from the Terraces

By Chenai Chipikiri

At the beginning of the year I suggested, or to be more contemporary, I “prophesied” that there would be two major economic events in Zimbabwe, one being the wedding of the first daughter, and the other being the People’s Congress in December.

The first happened with much joy and flourishing and the first family easily cobbled together a reported plus or minus US$5 million event.  That is equivalent to the President earning a net monthly salary of US$12,254.90 for all the last 34 years he has been in office. Just for his daughter’s wedding.

But that is small change. Apparently. The moral and economic significance of that shall be the subject of debate on another occasion, time permitting.

The second major economic event is upon us. And my! What a show. Events are unfolding so fast and we can only watch from the terrace, where the rest of Zimbabwe has been consigned. It reminded me of years ago, when I was first introduced to the game of rugby.

Having no one explaining to me what was going on, I could only surmise that the game consisted of a ball being thrown into a circle of sorts, and everyone trying to get at it. Once one player got hold of it, he would run for dear life as everyone else, all the thirty players plus referee, trying to kill him.

Turns out “ ane bhora ndiye anomakwa” (mark the one with the ball) as recently coined by one of the aspirants to the coveted throne, is for real.

As I watched from the terrace I couldn’t help but wonder if someone should tell the First Lady that her actions are much louder than her words. From up in the terraces it is very much like there is panic. It is causing alarm and despondency up here as well as down on the field of play.

Frankly, we the commoners don’t get it from up here. How is it that a 61% landslide could turn into such frenzy, within a short 15 months? Where is the unity that ushered in the contrived victory?

Whilst at it could someone also tell her that the President can hire and fire anyone at will. He does not owe an explanation to anyone. It does not sit well in the court of public opinion, for the wife of the president to run around ordering her husband to do this or the other with ultimatums to boot.

For one, it undermines the husband’s authority and secondly, it diminishes his standing, or what’s left of it, in society. Why call for the resignation of an individual over whom you have no authority. Indeed why is the first lady dressing in borrowed robes?

Could this be what has been happening behind the scenes all these years? It would explain quite a bit wouldn’t it? But then who cares about the court of public opinion in in a fiefdom that is Zimbabwe.

Could some of the pastors who gathered at Mazowe the other day (tongues and all), remind the First Lady that God on High has a special eye on widows and orphans. As such it is not a great idea to hound a widow on trumped up charges just to get at her inheritances.

Inheritances of the reported billions left by the General and of course, the coveted crown. Whilst at it, the good pastors could also remind the first lady about the golden rule. Something about doing unto others what she would expect them to do unto her. After all, her husband is a mere 90, but who knows what ninety year olds are up against in this race of life.

And the trash, the crass, the callous, the churlish talk reveals an untrained, untamed and unsophisticated mind as befits the First Lady of a country with a 90% literacy rate! It seems as though what the first lady has said so far speaks more about the first lady than the targets of her venom. Who does that?

And what normal husband lets his wife expose herself in public like that? It’s not pretty.

But maybe, and just maybe. Maybe the First lady has a good cause to panic. Maybe she knows a lot more than we the commoners. You know what they say about “chinoziva ivhu kuti mwana wembeva arara achirwara” (It’s only the soil that would know when a baby mouse is sick, something to that effect).

Yeah, yon first lady doth protest too much, me thinks. The assault on power by the First Lady is unprecedented. The President’s deference to her, and the way he initially limited himself to graduation ceremonies around the country is uncharacteristic and telling. We in the terraces can only guess. We can only speculate.

Where there is dearth of hard and soft information, the people speculate. They guess. They guesstmate. Add to this a sprinkling of the prophets, the apostles, the anointeds, and right there, you have a perfect concoction for disaster.

These guesses, these speculations, these prophesies, false and otherwise, have a weird way of creating their own realities. And suddenly, there is a coup of sorts in the offing.

Makes you think doesn’t it? Who is running the country? The truth is the country has been on autopilot for the last 15 years, but who is it who got 9 out of 10 party provincial chairmen fired in three weeks? Is it the First Lady or is it BECAUSE of the First Lady? Those are two very distinct issues. Does the quality of the discourse led by the First Lady bother you?

To what extent has this level of discourse in the First Family affected the fortunes of Zimbabwe? Now think of this; this very same First Lady now confesses (even though we knew) that it was her generosity that gave us Vice President Mujuru. And here we were, thinking we had voted for her!

And we are all sitting up hear watching in awe as she may well be preparing us for Vice President Mnangagwa. Or Vice President Grace. Or even Vice President Prof J Moyo. Or could it be President Mnangagwa. Or Moyo. Or even Grace.  Whichever way, we are going to see something big. That is the reason why the first lady is in panic. Change is coming. Bad change I should add.

Given a choice there probably is no value brought to the table by either Mujuru or Mnangagwa. Neither candidate has offered a vision that will guide Zimbabwe out of the doldrums. On his part Mnangagwa’s claim to fame is that the current president trusts him most.

After all it was he who opened the gate for Ian Smith to come and do a handover to Mugabe when he assumed power in 1980. So yes, he is a good student of the outgoing president and we will see more of the same from him.

Maybe he will be tougher and more ruthless in order for all to know that there is a new sheriff in town. He certainly knows how to win an election with or without your and my vote.

As for Mujuru she has been a faithful deputy who has remained loyal even under the current onslaught against her. The boss’s wife says she is incompetent and power hungry. The boss himself probably said so. It is evident that the powers that be, did the deed without a name on her husband, and somehow she still thought the crown would be hers.

Strange. Stranger than fiction. She never discovered how the last election was won. At the politburo meeting to celebrate the landslide last year, the other faction reportedly bragged about having engineered the victory and she wondered out loud what made them think that.

Poor her. Just as Tsvangirai discovered last time around it’s now dawning on her that numbers don’t count for much. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why she is expendable. That is why all the 9 provincial chairs have been kicked out. And damn the numbers behind them.

So it’s really the first lady’s decision. She may not appear informed about many things, but this she knows; Mujuru is not good enough anymore. And so she has nailed her mast on Mnangagwa. The same guy she despised in 2004. Or has she?

It is her vote that counts. Not yours. Not mine. Not even the party provincial structures. But then we have all known this for a long time. So sit up Zimbabwe and watch your next king cometh in the next few days. And you thought you had a Constitutional Democracy. Think again. It’s not yet Uhuru.

Chenai Chipikiri is an independent voter and analyst and can be contacted on [email protected]