Rudo Muzondo: Zvakatangira pa Gochi Gochi: Pearls Before Swine – Part 1

“Three thirty -seven! Three thirty-seven!”, I sighed as I glanced across the office and gazed my eyes on the lazy wall clock. It was never on time, tick tock -tick tock, one second at a time, it slaved the hands of the clock.

I secretly wished I had a time machine to speed up the time, I couldn’t wait for the four o’clock knock off time. Just like the hands of time, I felt trapped and slaved.

My office was a testament of my life, a chaotic display of my future dreams, toned by my relentless fervor of my pursuit.

My boss had not shown up in the office the whole day, her absence brought a balanced tranquil. Had she been around, the atmosphere would have been thick enough to put in a cup and measure it.

I had nicknamed her ‘Resident Evil’, she was a mean boss. Tied up by her mandates, she slaved me just like time slaves the hands of the clock.

I took my gaze off the clock, my feet almost faltered as I stood to glance through the window. I always enjoyed the views of Harare’s First street, very clean and corporate.

I caught glimpse of a blind man walking steadily with his guide dog and I couldn’t help but whisper, “what a perfect companion, everyone needs a friend who is as loyal as a dog”.

Subsequently, my cell phone rang, it was one of my best friends, Hurricane. I knew she had made plans for a Friday night hangout.

“Tornado”, What time are you finishing work? Please be quick, I am at our favourite spot waiting for you”, she giggled. “Let’s go to Adelaide Acres for braai, a guy I know asked me out”.

A wide grin on my face, I twerked a bit with excitement. I didn’t bother to ask her anything about the guy, it had been a long day at work, I just couldn’t wait to escape the office and let loose a bit.

I checked the clock again, “Three fifty-one”! I gnashed.

I surveyed the corridor and ran as fast and as stealthily as I could in my heels. I didn’t want the office minions to notice and report me to Resident Evil.

Hurricane was nineteen and I was twenty, we were inseparable.

I loved Hurricane, fate brought us to be soul sisters. A day would not go by without seeing each other.

We inspired each other, we were both confident, tenacious, and daring. We were the young attractive heifers and frivolous fun-loving flappers of Harare.

Upon seeing her, she greeted me with a hug and a suspicious grin that said, “Friday joy”. Within seconds, I was introduced to two guys Tsunami and Cloud. Cloud had already marked territory on Hurricane, he was all over her like rush on skin.

Folding my arms, I took three darting glances at Tsunami and I immediately realized there was a ledger to be squared. Ignoring my pending disapproval, Hurricane gave me a code look that said, “just fake it with Tsunami so we can have fun, it’s Friday after all”.

I got the code and I went with the flow.

I was a silly temptress, not a dangerous one but just a playful one. It was hard for anyone to believe that I had only been kissed twice. My first kiss was in High School, it was a forceful disgusting wet kiss. The guy shoved his tongue and sucked my lips like a bloodhound. My lips were swollen for days and I never wanted to see him again.

Having recovered from the first kiss, my second kiss was a year later in College. It was experimental, a perfunctory gesture mandated by mere curiosity.

It lasted a little more than thirty seconds, shorter than he anticipated. It had all soothing qualities of an inexperienced college boy and just as much sex appeal. I was gone without backward glance, duty done, box ticked.

Boy bye.

I never kissed again.

Tsunami wasn’t my type, but he was attractive, well proportioned, mint, good skin glowing like a mirage. He smelt good, he had a peculiar demeanor, confident and witty in personality.

I leveled up the countenance and we got along from hello.

In my short tailored corporate outfit, a body-hugging skirt and a tailored blazer, I commanded attention and respect. A pair of heels prettily pronounced my long legs like a yellow flamingo. All the way to Adelaide Acres, Tsunami couldn’t keep his gaze off me, and I made it worth his while.

Intentionally or not, I exuded sensuality.

The place was vibrant, the music was thumping and the crowd was ecstatic. I couldn’t keep calm, the sound of Ragga and Hip-hop music got me twerking like I was motherless.

Hurricane hyping me up, ‘‘bring it on Tornado, twerk for Tsunami so he can see what he can’t have”.

For a moment i forgot that I was a Preachers daughter, I rendered Tsunami motionless and speechless, dropping it like it’s hot. On the other hand, Hurricane achiparadza Cloud neku side.

In Tsunamis heart and imagination he had found a sexy all out confident Zim vixen. He never knew that I was a virgin and I had not seen ‘a man-size penis’ in my life.

By the end of the braai, he sternly whispered, “I want you to come with me to South Africa. I will give you a good life”.

The quaint confidence accelerated by a stained arrogance in his offer suggested as if he was a ‘Black Moses’ who wanted to flee me from Egypt to Canaan.

Pridefully, I rolled my eyes whilst my lips subsequently quirked upwards with a half-grin and I whispered in his ears, “Dude, I would rather stay behind in Egypt”.

He gave me a blank reproachful stare and hissed, ‘how dare you?’

Ini nechemumoyo, “heyzvo dude, I just met you”.

Tsunami was not joking, he meant it! I didn’t know that was the beginning of a real ‘Situationship’ that tested and changed everything that I had ever believed in.

Imi ka yakazotambika!

Extracted from Novel ~ Storms of Vicissitudes

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