Yaya Rudo: But WHY me?
By Yaya Rudo
My father died just before I turned 3, my baby sister was only 10 days old. My 4 older siblings were all under 12 years of age. Father did not even get to 40 years of age.
A few years ago the parents of my close friend had their 48th wedding anniversary and it immediately crossed my mind that my father’s total time on earth was less than that.
I wondered WHY? We would have wanted to grow up with a mom and dad like the other kids.
Earlier this year I followed on social media, the cancer battle of a 10-year-old. He had been fighting the disease for almost two years. This disease had stolen his childhood and eventually led to his early departure from this world. I asked “WHY”? He was young and innocent with a bright future.
When life gives you Lemons, one question that keeps coming to mind is, “WHY me?” Sometimes the answer is obvious, at times we create our own feel good answers maybe you can find yours from the list below:-
1.I was irresponsible.
2. They hate me
3. I was young and naive.
4. I lacked knowledge
5. I did not listen to rebuke.
8. I was stubborn.
9. God wanted it that way
10. I was bewitched, it was not my fault
It is ok if you cannot find a WHY that explains your situation. Finding the WHY must not be the final destination. Some of our answers to this question often bring short term comfort and a false sense of peace.
I have come to the conclusion; I have many questions that will never be answered from this side of the world. When we continue to dwell on WHY, it can be really frustrating and limiting because often there is no satisfactory answer.
We must accept that we do NOT always have answers. There are painful experiences that can never be explained away by a human being in a way that brings total clarity and acceptance of what happened.
It is time we realize that focusing on WHY me can be time wasting and mentally draining. Unless the WHY truly helps you, or builds you into a better version of self, I suggest a change of focus.
I prefer a heal as you go approach because there is no guarantee of an answer to the WHY me challenge. When you focus on forward steps, you allow yourself to have a life regardless of setbacks and challenges faced.
As long as you are going forward you increase your chances of having new positive experiences. When you fail to move because you are obsessing on WHY me, you relive the pain over and over daily instead of starting the lemonade making process.
Lemonade Makers ask “What can I do now given the circumstances”? or “This is my new reality, what can I do now “? This is empowering in all fronts. These are forward looking questions. You acknowledge what has happened, and immediately focus on how to move forward. This is the looking up mentality every Lemonade Maker must adopt.
I raise my glass to Lemonade Makers who are looking up ready to do something positive, regardless of what happened.