Diplomacy simply became “diplo-mess” as ED, once again, spectacularly floundered on the big stage in Russia.
Never before in the history of mankind has a man so much embarrassed himself by gossiping about neighbours and fellow villagers at the homestead of a faraway chief, not knowing that every detail of the shameful gossip would be relayed back to the village audience back home.
And it did not help matters that the man so shamefully gossiping about his neighbours wants to become the village head at the onset of the next full moon and expects the support and confidence of the same people he is so recklessly disparaging.
Emmerson Mnangagwa, the illegitimate leader set to become the illegitimate SADC chair in two months time, betrayed African and regional solidarity when he implored Russian President Vladmir Putin to militarily arm Zimbabwe because the US was offering military and financial support to neighbours Zambia and Malawi.
The deliberations later found themselves in the public domain to the embarrassment of all well-meaning and patriotic Zimbabweans.
ED’s spokesman George Charamba, who unconvincingly sought to make us believe the Zimbabwean delegation thought the meeting was private, has vainly sought to do some damage control by issuing a very long statement in which he scrounges for some dividend that purportedly accrued from the Russia trip of shame.
For the many who believe ED is a Zambian because he grew up in Mumbwa, it was ironic that here was an unpatriotic Zambian disparaging his own country on the diplomatic stage.
But whether he is Zambian or Zimbabwean does not matter. The man simply embarrassed his country and was simply unpatriotic, regardless of whichever side of the Zambezi he hails from.
Mnangagwa appears to have buckled at the sight of Putin and spun out an embarrassing narrative of national desperation that did not portray Zimbabwe in good light at all. He did not represent our country well as he portrayed a desperate and a vulnerable Zimbabwe in a manner that makes him a proper candidate for sanction under the so-called Patriotic Act.
ED, the infamous clown who has occupied our palace, was sitting before the more astute principal of a Russia that is seeking to expand its footprint in Africa so as to countermand US influence in the geopolitical tussle to end a unipolar world. ED simply played into Moscow’s hands, particularly when he cited the expansion of US control in Lusaka and Blantyre and gave the impression that Zimbabwe was prepared offer anything to address what he strangely called the country’s “loneliness.”
Of course, we all know ED’s gripe with Lusaka and where it emanates from.
. He still has not forgiven the country ever since the SADC observer mission that was led by a Zambian, Dr Nevers Mumba, cast serious aspersions on the illegitimate farce of a poll in Zimbabwe on 23 August last year.
However, after watching ED’s parody when the Kremlin hosted him last week, there are 10 take-homes from the Russia trip of shame, apart from the confirmation beyond doubt that we have a dunderhead of a President in Harare.
Here are what I consider the 10 take-homes from ED’s Moscow excursion of national disgrace:
1. A country for sale
Mnangagwa, whose family and acolytes have been linked to massive theft of minerals in the extractive industry as exposed by the Gold Mafia scandal, has in the past invited the Russians to join the Chinese and other foreigners in looting the country’s wealth once more.
Meanwhile, there is yet another leaked audio clip doing the rounds of his acolyte Wicknell Chivayo telling Mike Chimombe and Moses Mpofu to lie low as he milks his loot from murky contracts being doled out to him in his trusted space under Mnangagwa’s wings.
And he boasts that he is ED’s son and is privileged to receive his direct calls even as he travels abroad.
Well that’s a story for another day, let’s go back to Russia.
Russians miners are already in the country, with Mnangagwa having a few years ago invited mining giant Alrosa to come and join the diverse array of international fortune hunters who are spiriting away Zimbabwe’s vast mineral wealth for a song.
Alrossa is the world’s biggest diamond producer that Mnangagwa has since invited into the country with an assortment of 30 other Russian companies to come and scour our rich platinum deposits.
Dear reader, kindly note that there are just no free lunches in the world of big international business. No investor country will give you anything for free unless they are making a killing in your country.
It was no wonder therefore when in April 2021 Putin “donated” a multimillion dollar Presidential helicopter to Mnangagwa, an M1-38.
Having received such “gifts” from Putin, it is no wonder ED told him last week that Zimbabwe still had more opportunities in the mining, defence and agriculture sectors,
Under Mnangagwa, Zimbabwe is simply up for sale!
2. The myth of a friend to all and an enemy to none
Zimbabwe used to be a member of the Non-Aligned Movement (NAM), having chosen a strategic decision at the international level to join neither the East nor the West in their battle for the control of global affairs.
Despite the known historical ties that stretch to the liberation struggle, it was in line with Zimbabwe’s traditional stance of non-alignment that Mnangagwa in 2017 introduced the mantra of Zimbabwe being a “friend to all and an enemy to none.”
He has reiterated that line even at United Nations level together with the mantra that Zimbabwe is open for business to all who care to come and invest, regardless of where they come from.
But after his leaked Moscow chat masquerading as diplomacy in Russia and his invectives against the US and the West , it was clear that it was all a myth that Zimbabwe is a friend to all and an enemy to none.
Mnangagwa simply busted his own oft-repeated utterances of non-alignment under his own phrase of friend to all, enemy to none.
Zimbabwe clearly has a dog in the fight, contrary to the public rhetoric and the script shared by Zimbabwe’s ambassadors abroad that we have no side.
Mnangagwa simply left his foreign envoys in the lurch, given the now palpable insincerity to his regime’s previously given diplomatic message lines.
Tied to the mantra of Zimbabwe is Open for Business, it is now clear the regime has been lying to the world that it is a friend to all and an enemy to none.
His regime has clearly taken sides in the tussle for global geopolitical power, ending her strategic diplomatic posture of non-alignment.
Under ED, and as he confirmed himself last week, Zimbabwe is a friend to some and an enemy to all (including even her own SADC neighbours).
3. The Commonwealth contradiction
Yes, he was clearly anti-Washington in his presentation. And he was also anti-West in his chat, notwithstanding his grovelling on the knees to Europe and to the UK specifically.
But given his anti-West rantings and railings in St Petersburg, it was difficult to believe this was the same man so spiritedly pursuing an agenda to rejoin the British Commonwealth.
But then, ED is a bundle of contradiction in human flesh; a man so wont to run with the hare and hunt with the hounds at the same time.
4. The laughing hyena
Mnangagwa exposed his naivety when the hyena metaphor was used to describe the nuclear tussle between the US, the West that the Kremlin, with Moscow saying it wants to keep the “hyenas” at bay.
When he was asked about his take on the hyenas as a metaphoric and esoterically dramatic expression, Mnangagwa took a literal meaning and naively began to talk about hyenas in the literal sense, igniting an uproar of laughter.
He even pledged to send some hyenas to Moscow.
It was clear that the metaphor was lost on our hapless ED. It was simply shameful and embarrassing.
Mnangagwa’s palpable naivety and his ignorance to the fact that the hyena allusion was a metaphor is akin to a man who boards a bus to go and buy plentiful hyenas in Wedza after listening to that folklore aphorism: Mapere akaenda Wedza.
Others have even chosen to make a racist interpretation of the whole sordid episode.
This school of thought believes the Russians probably thought that there was no one else in the audience but this black man, this animal of a President who comes from the jungle of Africa who can tell us better about this animal’s etiquette and behaviour!
5. The lie of the fastest growing economy
ED lied to Putin that Zimbabwe has the fastest growing economy in the region.
With its high inflation and a new currency that even the government has no confidence in; a currency that has yet to take a firm place among in the floating basket of currencies, it is a lie that Zimbabwe has the fastest growing economy in the sub-region.
All the World Bank said in its recent report was that Zimbabwe has potential for growth. Everyone knows potential simply remains potential until something is done to unlock and to actualise it.
In any case, the IMF, in its April 2024 report, has said nine of the 20 countries with the fastest growing economies are in Africa.,And Zimbabwe is not even among the nine.
The nine African countries cited as being among the fastest growing economies are Niger, Senegal, Libya, Rwanda, Ivory Coast, Djibouti, Ethiopia, Gambia and Benin.
So Mnangagwa lied to Putin.
6. A snitching, untrustworthy SADC chair
Those who the gods want to destroy, they first make mad.
At a time when Africa and its sub-regions are exhorting each other to speak with one voice, Mnangagwa goes to a foreign land and starts disparaging fellow African neighbours.
At least SADC member States now know the ineptitude and the incurable inadequacies of the man inching towards the cushioned top chair of the regional body.
In fact, so naive in the field of international affairs was ED that even as he spoke about what he called the military co-operation between the US and Zambia, he seemed unaware that the African Union, the continental body, has since allowed Washington to create a military attaché’s office right inside the AU headquarters in Addis Ababa.
ED is obviously ignorant to that fact.
7. Peter’s cock crows twice in St Petersburg
It was Jesus’ disciple Peter who promised Jesus that he would never betray him after the Son of Man told him he would certainly deny him three times before the cock crowed twice.
Mnangagwa has often bandied himself as an avowed pan-African who believes in everything African, including neighbouring countries that he will soon lead as the chair of SADC.
Before the Russia trip of shame, his fellow leaders in the region and in Africa might have believed that as he moves around the world, Mnangagwa would be aptly representing the whole of Africa and the region, well in line with the pan-African ethos of solidarity.
But after last week’s parody in St Petersburg, they are now wiser.
Like the biblical Peter. Mnangagwa chose the aptly named venue of St Petersburg in Russia to tell the region well in advance that before the cock crows twice, he is always ready to betray the value of African solidarity three times.
8. Mistaking a rally for a private chat
George Charamba has told us that the Zimbabwean delegation was convinced this was a private chat and was shocked when the video footage was leaked.
In fact his statement was a dig on the Kremlin for betraying their guest.
But anyone who has attended these high level meetings knows that there is a preliminary pep talk to the media and then the substantive private meeting of the principals.
You just don’t go into the substance of your presentation at this PR stage.
But ED is seen and heard clearly railing off into his deep gossip about neighbours even as the ten or so cameras click directly onto his face. .
Any dimwit would have known that this was not a one-on-one setting, given all those clicking cameras.
The naive ED simply mistook a rally for a private venue and began undressing, much to the astonishment and utter shock of the world.
9. Spawning a diplomatic row
The other take-home from the St Petersburg circus is that it has successfully triggered a diplomatic war with Lusaka.
Zambia has officially said it has now tasked its ambassador in Harare to get an explanation on this episode.
Yet all this diplomatic wahala with a neighbour was absolutely unnecessary.
But then, with a friendly neighbour like ED, who needs enemies?
10. A deliberate exposure by successionists?
It is a matter of public record, as told by his former boss Jonathan Moyo, that Geoge Charamba’s true factional affinities have always lain with the military faction, now fronted by Constantino Guvheya Nyikadzino Chiwenga.
Since the days of former President Robert Mugabe, Charamba has reportedly always been a point-person of the generals in the top office in the land.
Given that Chiwenga is in the running to replace Mnangagwa, who is himself keen to remain in office, could Charamba be behind the video leakage and its wide distribution just to expose Mnangagwa’s naivety?
Last time, these succesionists in the Office of the President and Cabinet made Mugabe read the wrong speech just to expose him and jto justify his ouster on the grounds of age and a deteriorating aptitude.
Could they be deliberately doing it once again to expose ED’s naivety and to undermine his plan for a third term or an extended second term?
Questions, questions, questions.
Conclusion
Whichever way one looks at it, Mnangagwa’s Russia excursion was a trip of shame.
The timing was bad for a man who wants to lead SADC. The naivety and the failure to comprehend a simple hyena metaphor was breathtakingly astounding.
Perhaps the naivety and the desperado posture he unpatriotically painted for our country was his own unique way of telling the| Russians that there is no aptitude at the very apex of the State so they can come and loot our minerals to their fancy.
The message was that the coast is clear.
Mapere akaenda Wedza huyai zvenyu!
Luke Tamborinyoka is a citizen from Domboshava. He is a journalist and a political scientist by profession. You can interact with him on his facebook pageor via the X handle @luke_tambo.
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