Why women want married men

By Bongiwe Nkomazana

By no means do I condone infidelity nor do I support women who actively seek married men and destroy homes but have we ever taken time to imagine what their side of the story is?

If you were to have coffee and converse with a woman who is seeing a married or a committed man what questions would you ask her? I for one would ask her why she is doing it and if she does not care how her actions are hurting the woman who has actually built a life with this man.

I know we are told there are more women than men and if you subtract from that the married ones, the ones under age, the priests who remain celibate and the ones who are just not into women, the numbers just don’t match.

However, in actual fact, there is always an eligible bachelor close to you and we should stop using the shortage of men card as an excuse. It is common sense that “first come first serve” right, so if a woman finds herself a man first as another woman you have no right to want to be served there as well. So, why are women fine with being an affair?

We are competitive. Women by nature are very catty and want to be perceived as more attractive and desirable. It is petty but it is true. They say men dress up to get the ladies’ attention but women put up their A-game to turn the heads of other women. It is complicated but ladies will know what I am talking about.

A beautiful wife will always have problems from other women. They will harass her husband not because he is a catch but because they want to prove to themselves especially that they too are beautiful and can be at that beautiful wife’s level if they want to be.

To them, if they can get the attention of this man then it means they are just as beautiful as his wife. To be brutally honest, gents . . . as much as this strokes your ego, it is really not about you.

“For these women, feeling superior has less to do with the man in question and how desirable he is, and more to do with being more powerful than and superior to the wife,” states Dr Stephanie Newman of Psychology Today.

These types of ladies are insecure and need to work on their self-esteem. They need to understand that the presence of another woman’s beauty does not depict the absence of their own. They are threatened by your wife and are attacking her through you.

Do not allow them to.

Another reason women find themselves involved with married men is their search for security. A woman needs stability and a sure cover and plan for her life. To see a man with a ring on his finger, no matter how unsightly he is, tells a story about him that is just music to a woman’s soul.

A married man, we presume, is not afraid to commit, is experienced and focused and can provide for a wife and children. That is a dream for women. So instead of finding single men who have those qualities, some women will want the food on another woman’s plate because it appears to be perfect and well prepared.

She wants this married man because he has been screened already unlike having to go through the hassle of screening a bachelor. Usually what lacks here is the common sense to understand that nothing comes easy.

Most married women have gone through trials and tribulations to get their husbands to be great spouses who know how to do the husbanding thing well.

So to just want to snatch what another woman has built is extremely unfair and in most cases will not be as enjoyable to you as you thought it would be.

I do not want to go on stereotypes but have you ever watched shows where a younger woman comes in and the elderly wife is given the boot? It is usually always an unhappy ending for the home wrecker where she is paranoid of the same thing happening to her if it does not actually happen.

May I remind you that television shows tend to have a lesson for us. Take heed.

I love and respect a woman who is all about her hustle and her money. Being a hard worker is an admirable trait but lazy boned women will always target a married man. This is easy money right there and I fail to understand why men continue to fall for this trap.

Men let me preach to you. Be content with your wife. Do not let girls packaged in the form of a good time who smell like promised heavens to distract you.

Unless if you are planning to openly and honestly take a second wife, you will find yourself in a hole that will only get deeper the more you give your mistress expensive gifts, vacations and hefty hair and nail allowances.

They will try and convince you that you deserve someone better; someone like them. What you deserve is your wife and she deserves those vacations and gifts that you are wasting on someone who is not committed to you and the flaws you come with.

The only reason this woman is with you is for the material things you can give her; she is not interested in your well-being, your life goals or your children.

If you are sick or bankrupt tomorrow, the young exciting thing will be gone with the wind never to be seen or heard of again.

The world’s moral decadence has led to a lot of “sins” being seen as normal. A marriage is God’s order and is blessed and protected by Him. What business, as a mere human being, do you have coming to cause destruction in God’s territory?

In the Bible, the seventh commandment says “You shall not commit adultery” while the 10th one goes on to warn us against coveting anything that is our neighbour’s, including their spouse.

This is not my voice or opinion but God’s, therefore, we should take it as it is and stay away from married men. I know it takes two to tango and married men are also to blame for stepping out of their marriages like it is nothing.

A respectable woman will not be the devil’s accomplice. Do not be a catalyst to a possible divorce. Do not be responsible for the misery and tears of another woman or the absence of a father in his children’s lives. That is not the sort of karma you want for yourself.

I also do feel that we as ladies should show respect to relationships also because time, money and feelings are invested in those and that is where marriages are formed. The only reason men have gotten away with infidelity is because we as women have allowed them to use us as their cheating playgrounds.

I feel like all women old enough to be in a relationship can attest to how heartbreak feels and the damage it does to your being and personally, I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

It all comes down to self-respect.

Love yourself enough to know when a situation degrades you. Hopefully, the right man for you (who is single) will see your wholesomeness and put you on your throne, not for you to share it or hide it but to reign your own little kingdom in peace.

At the end of the day, all we have is our dignity. The Chronicle