Morrisen Mamutse – How to achieve self-actualisation
By Morrisen Mamutse
Last week Friday, on my way home from a day’s training on psychoactive substances (an interesting topic I definitely will be writing on in future publications for diaspora parents to share and learn from) I passed by our local Zimbabwean butchers to grab some “goodies” for the weekend. Being a sunny Friday in Birmingham UK and the weather forecast promising a whooping 29 degrees on Saturday, what a better place to go buy stuff in case a “gochi-gochi” (barbecue-braai) is suggested in family circles.
As has become the norm when “mum” is on shift at the butchery, there is always some current affairs discussion during the groceries purchasing process. So at her sight behind the counter, I smiled and greeted her in my unique salutation; “Rugare ruve nemi mama” (Peace be unto you mum!). In return, “mum” greeted me in our Zimbabwean salutation “Mhorozve mwanangu Baba Mati, nedzozve dzeku London idzi” (Greetings my son, Mati’s dad, our condolences for the Grenfell tower tragedy in London). It’s a cultural thing for Zimbabweans to say condolence statements to each other at the start of conversations whenever there is a tragedy even if none of us is directly affected by it. We are an empathetic people most of us Zimbabweans are!
Tragedies, condolences and politics are an interesting cocktail whenever Zimbabweans meet in the diaspora. Unfortunately, not many of these discussions on all important topics are thought provoking and insightful, usually its just random unverified myths, theories and hypothetical assumptions. We were no different on this day.
Me, “mum” and another customer (will call him Mr A for obvious reasons) in the butchery at the time jumped into conversation and the three of us said it all… from conspiracy theories around the London tower tragedy, to Theresa May and her approach to the tragedy, to the location of the tower and whether the recent renovations triggered the accident.
We even crossed the pond to suggest that Jared (Trump’s son in law) could be the mole from within the White House leaking stuff to the Washington Post to fatten his personal wallet… (Did he suggest communication back channels with Russia, a sworn American adversary???) Poor Trump! Hahahahaha you imagine it…we said it!
By some miracle, and I mean a real miracle, we DID NOT discuss Zimbabwe politics despite an upcoming election next year. Now I am thinking, how did that elude us and cannot find answers. Maybe we are fed up to the throat with the topic especially if we cannot vote from the diaspora that we just let it go.
Instead we focused on an election whose results affect us here in the UK directly. The UK electorate went to the polls on 8 June and the Tories won it. So a conversation started about how useless the Tories will be especially for immigrants, what they will do for Brexit and whether Labour was the better government for this moment.., yeah, the usual “boring” stuff for politics haters.
Guess what , this is the part of our conversation that triggered my thought process to write this piece….not as a mainstream politician but as a thought provoking , inspirational and motivational account of how I see us as a people responding to much publicised theories, suggestions, lies and facts on issues that affect our lives daily. The below account of last week’s conversation made me ask myself very “silly” questions, “how self actualised am I?”
Do I know who I am and can be in life? Can I exercise my right to being me without fear of being labelled or tagged into different categories? Can I belong to my new and “wayward” thinking ways and grow crocodile skin to resist all forms of criticism? Am I ready to be called names (good or bad) because I want to share my ideals with the world?” All these questions raced into my mind as I drove home from the butchery. Thanks to soothing music on Classic FM from my car radio (Bach’s Orchestral suite no. 2 was playing then), I could at least challenge my brain to be more!!! Here is why I asked myself all such questions…,
While at the butchery engaging in our 3 way conversation with UK politics being the issue at stake, I stated that I had switched my vote to a different party since my voting history. Low and behold, before I could state my reasons for such, Mr A said this bluntly in my face…,
“I am disappointed in you!”
Wait….what? We only met three minutes ago, for the very first time for that matter and someone is disappointed at my personal choice to switch a vote? Hahahahaha, here we go!
Think, think, think, I quickly enquired for the best way to managing potential conflict and confrontation from my little brain and came up with this for a response..,
“Oh.., ok. Can you kindly elaborate why you are disappointed in my PERSONAL choice to switch my PERSONAL vote?”
Mr A’s answer said everything that compelled me to write this piece. Or was it an answer? No! Instead it was a question answering a question..,
“Why did you switch your vote to them when you really know they have nothing “for us?” My mind raced at lightning speed asking myself, for whom? In split seconds, I remember smiling graciously as I always do when given an opportunity to explain myself.
I told Mr A that my traditional party did not explain its policies clearly to ME, they did not tell me what they will do on pressing issues with facts and figures, they did not convince ME and if they took MY vote for granted thinking I am among the die-hard unwavering loyalists who can even vote for a donkey because its their party candidate, tough. They just lost MY vote this time!
Anyone that wants to sell their ideal politics to ME, they have to look ME in the eye, give ME answers that satisfy ME and ME alone because I am unique, an individual with a little bit of self actualisation knowledge that tells ME I can master my own destiny and even happily alone than stand miserably in a crowd because I cast a vote against my personal convictions. That uniqueness I have has to be sweated for by anybody that wants to enjoy any piece of it, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing justice to the gift of uniqueness endowed on me by my Creator. I am one in the seven billion plus people in the world and as you guessed right, I have no duplicate.
I saw Mr A begin “to think”, finger on mouth, face down, scratch of the head then lifted his head, nodded. He asked me about manifestos and promises. I told him I do not believe everything I hear or get promised at first sight, I test everything. If it passes MY eligibility criteria; oh yes, it gets MY nod!
Mr A was nodding all the way at this time and I was like, at least, maybe he isn’t disappointed in me anymore!
Here is my thing: why do we underestimate our uniqueness to stereotype each other and ourselves? Why do we belong to spaces, clubs, churches, parties that we don’t test? Why are we rigid to history, tradition and culture that wouldn’t pass the simplest of today’s life feasibility test? Why don’t we challenge, test, ask and sometimes reject obsolete ideas? Are we that cheap that we can be taken for a loyalty ride on empty life manifestos? Do we even know ourselves and our potential as change makers if we made decisions from a personally informed perspective? How self actualised are we? How self actualised are you?
These questions were triggered by a politics conversation but I ask them in this article as reflection points for every part of our lives. We make choices everyday, socially, economically, educationally, professionally, medically and even religiously.
These questions apply to all these important components of our lives and believe me, once we start to ask ourselves such in every aspect of life.., 1. We won’t be taken for granted and stereotyped 2. We will be a happier people in life like we have ever known 3. We will guide our children in an environmentally updated pathway that will allow them to make informed choices in the future as well. 4. We will start to inform and engage with our own destiny 5. We will respect and appreciate each other’s uniqueness of choice, thought and decision.
From that conversation in the butchery, I finally defeated my silence demons and wrote this piece. Of course it’s my step in publicly sharing my views in written form (other than my masters’ dissertation thesis adopted and published by University of Birmingham, UK) in the hope that this will: 1. Start developmental and motivational conversations 2. Challenge someone to embark on a self actualisation journey right now no matter their position at present so they can achieve their ambitions in this lifetime 3. Inspire young people and their guardians into conversation about self actualisation 4. Serve a warning to people taking others for granted that the journey to psychological freedom is underway in humanity so they better change their ways 5. Make me feel good to share my thoughts with the world…Obama called it responsible citizenship!
Here is my take; When Maslow designed the hierarchy of needs way back then, it made sense, in its bottom –up order. Basic needs like shelter, food, etc are important; I get it! I really do and I don’t take those for granted. But as a development and motivational practitioner, I have to say this; my approach to this 21st century life will be to turn the Hierarchy upside down and start the whole life process with SELF ACTUALISATION. I believe a better life in this century has to start with; who am I? What do I enjoy doing (legal stuff of course!).
Can I make a decent living off my talents, skills, aspirations and desires? Remember we are in this world at a crossroads right now. The Middle East for example is as volatile as we have never known before. Thousands of refugees seeking a better life elsewhere tell us they sometimes do not care sleeping without food as long as they can fulfil their life ambitions. What are those ambitions? Most answers are pretty simple: to use all my energy and power to rebuild my life and carry on living for my people. Such is an inspiring response that I almost always see these fellas as unstoppable because they have made their mind up.
In fact, there is nothing as powerful as a made up mind. At the same time, there is nothing as self defeating in life as a made up mind with no activity/business/action plan. That’s where most of us fail. We make a decision on an empty idea. Write things down, scrap the paper, change the idea, write again and leave it for a while. Come back to it and do what applicable to that written idea until you make you mind on it. My assumption is the most important tool to success is pen to paper, voice to recorder, finger to notepad on your phone (and do not forget to press save!!!)
But then, even with all of these special ingredients to succeeding in find out who exactly one is and their purpose in life, all efforts can go down the toilet in a single flush. Mr A almost buried my self confidence by just stating he was disappointed in me. How many times have we been derailed from self convictions because the next person said we couldn’t make it no matter how much we tried?
How many times have we been put off the right pathway to personal development because someone became too talkative as if they work in Home Office or they are a qualified immigration lawyer yet we know they are not? From personal experiences, Zimbabweans in the UK listen and believe unauthentic stuff more than the facts. Someone doesn’t get a red passport because of their personal circumstances and what do they do, tell everyone its not happening because they personally didn’t get it! Sounds a familiar line? Oh yeah.
Do we really know who we are and what capacity we hold within ourselves to chart our own destiny, one NO ONE has ever been on before? I think most of us don’t realise the potential within us thus we follow the wind.
I personally chose to be a development practitioner and motivational speaker not by default but by realising from my time in Zimbabwe that I just loved volunteering, cheering people on, challenging them to be better, congratulating them none jealously (did I just say that?
Yes I said it!!!). As a banker in Zimbabwe almost two decades ago, I led on corporate social responsibility initiatives in Chiredzi, Triangle and Marondera, positively changing people’s lives while working full time as a cashier. In the UK from 2007, I volunteered with a couple of charities and studied towards this very area I am passionate about.
Graduating with a Masters degree in International Development in 2014, I again embarked on a volunteering journey that took me to Uganda for six months to work in development projects. Upon coming back to the UK, I went into formal employment within my very sector of passion only to discover that I hate formal employment because it’s too restrictive for me. I felt I could not spread my wings the furthest I wanted because there are more don’ts than do’s. Instead of just moaning about it, I decided to follow my passion, holding motivational and guest speaker sessions at weddings, parties, church conferences and summer carnivals.
In all these adventures, decorated with everything: sweat, tears, failure, awards, joy and laughter, I am simply trying to answer the question-am I really who I think I am? Tell you what…I am happy with the results so far, ready for more challenges and thus enjoying what I do everyday; motivating and developing humanity!
I believe it’s because I managed to figure out at an early stage in life who I always wanted to be professionally. I know I am not a household name in these sectors yet. I am working towards exactly that. In five years time, with determination, hard work, God’s grace, consistency and perseverance, no one will need an introduction. I am very conscious this professional side is one part of life. So I will share with you my lines of thought on other aspects of life..,
- My allegiance is expensive to get. I don’t follow blindly. I test every idea, suggestion and fact to see if it fits ME! With my allegiance, same as my vote, I am not rigid: I weigh facts my way and choose the BEST deal for myself at the time.
- Most people’s conclusions are my introductions! I love qualitative research. I love investigating why things are the way they are…mostly that’s where I find prejudice, stereotypes and mental slavery symptoms healthily breeding.
- I don’t support a single sports team! (Yes I said it!) I feel if I do, I will be limiting my chances to enjoying sport performances impartially. I feel sorry for some of my friends that stick up for their team no matter what yet they don’t get tangible benefits for defending it (Its always the ref, one player, the weather, etc’s fault for our loss!!!) Iiiih veduwee. One exception though….I love Rafa Nadal’s play style!!!
- As I raise my children, I teach them the basic rules of responsible citizenship, love, respect, the value of culture and tradition and that’s where it ends. If they ask me if any those really work, I will always be honest from personal experiences (no research statistics, no myths, just personal experiences!!!). Of course I will always discuss with them all the other factors but the bottom line will always be what I can vouch for, not what some professor can vouch for!!!(Note that this approach applies to social not scientific matters). One of my favourite poets Mzwake Mbuli from South Africa once said in an interview “I do not need a university PHD because I don’t want to be in anyone’s pocket!” I believe him. Most of us are in some person’s pocket in one way or another!!!
Having said all of the above, which is just a snippet of who I am, I will be sharing my thoughts with you on the self actualisation journey regularly, (based on demand I guess). Possibly this will trigger quite important conversations, especially in the diaspora about who we are and who can be if we break certain psychological, stereotypical and even myopic bondage chains that unfortunately in most cases, we lock ourselves into , throw away the keys and blame the passer-by for not finding them and setting us free.
Well, well, well, one might ask…what is this fuss about self actualisation? My answer is simple: it brings something special to every human being that achieves it: Happiness, happiness, happiness!
Last week at the butchery, I was quite privileged to get 360 degree feedback instantly. Goodness me, we ended up talking and laughing for almost half an hour when I thought I had only five minutes to spare there. Below were the concluding statements..,
Mr A said……”It’s a pleasure to have a conversation with a politically mature person like you. By the way…, my name is…” (Imagine…we didn’t know each other’s names all this time!!)
“Mum” had this to say…” I can only wish I could put a barbecue stand out there and you two would braai and continue to chat respectfully like you just did” (Aaaaaw, how sweet, typical mother’s love!)
In part two, I will be discussing Personal Development or Self Actualisation First? What are the important first 10 steps?
In the meantime, if you hadn’t already, start self actualising …
