Youthful love files between the corridors of hate
An Abstract from the eBook
“No evil shall she fear”
Chapter 5
By Nomazulu Thata
They met at the library very often. He invited her to go to the Goma Lakes for a talk. She agreed. All the meetings he did, he got to win trust on Nomamvula. He never understood how a girl with such an Ndebele name: Nomamvula, would speak Shona so perfect.
The language and roots, Rhodesian roots bonded them. He told her about the struggle, its good and its ugliness. Again she was to be careful, university students tended to be too carefree in approach.
There was Mr. Mubanga at the campus and Nomamvula was not very free. He was a very lonely person, a very sad man as if he and Nomamvula carried the same fate, sadness. It appeared as if it was two tributaries of a river met somewhere, somehow.
He started smoking at the Goma lakes one day when they were sitting together with Nomamvula. She asked why he smoked. He told her that the university will be closing soon and he must go back to the ZANU residence, Kabwata.
He told her about the hardships of staying there. They ranged from fear of Smith’s bombs, mistrusts among freedom fighters, fights, guns- and fists fights until abuse, power abuse. He was trained to be a bodyguard to top ZANU officials.
It was the job he hated most, he preferred to go to the front than to be a bodyguard. “I am cooling down my nerves, that is the reason why I smoke”. He said. Nomamvula did not tell him her own fate, the sex harassment, done by somebody Panashe knew well, Mr. Mubanga, the dean of students to him. However she was to be his girlfriend.
She wrote him often when she was at boarding, and got replies back, long love letters. Mostly he was writing about his experiences as a freedom fighter, he would tell him how successful their three weeks combat in Rhodesia was.
Those were the news she cherished. He remained a good source of information on what was happening in the struggle. He would also tell her that he loved her dearly. That was the news she loved to read most and repeatedly. Gradually, was falling in love with him, madly in love. One of the many letters he wrote was,
University of Zambia
P.O. Box 32379
Lusaka
Sweetheart!
I got two of your letters today. I was away, not in Zambia but at the Front. We needed to go because the guys there needed our expertise. Sorry to reply you so late. Things are not so rosy kuFront [1]. It’s really very hard. We are no longer fighting Smith’s army yake chete [2]. I have this feeling apartheid South Africans are right inside Rhodesia giving military expertise to Rhodesian forces.
What makes everything difficult is that we need to identify landmines first and we have to move only along those areas we think kuti kune maland mines acho [3]. Even if we identify land mines we do not detonate them.
You understand that I cannot give further information beyond this point. But the struggle has become very hot. We are making inroads. The process is very slow but since our cause is right, we shall win this war. It may be painful but we shall make it.
Please do not worry about that conversation we had together, you were worried that I will jettison you when we get to new Zimbabwe and I marry musikana wekumusha [4]. No its not so. I do not know how I can convince you on this aspect. I love you Noma.
I feel happy when I see you. You feel my heart with joy. My sun shines through your beautiful eyes. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. When you talk you are so sweet. I feel I should just hug you and kiss you right away.
Make sure you do not let anyone know about me kuZAPU. You may have some problems about it. I have never told anybody about you muZANU either. It’s just the same story. I will be grilled for it. Let our love transcend beyond ZAPU/ZANU politics. We are human beings in the first place. When it comes to politics I will be faithful to ZANU to till the end.
I can even die for ZANU liberating Zimbabwe. I chose this and gave my life for it long back. But there is this personal life I need to determine on my own. Loving you should not be determined by my party. I choose the woman I want to marry and not the party, not my family, but I alone. I have chosen you, Noma.
When you told me that you were at Comrade Chitepo’s funeral, I could tell the person you are. We lost a true leader, a true revolutionary. The struggle continues and with all its bitterness. But that was a brave thing to do, to come to the funeral. Yes, I think I saw somebody in the company of Mr. Mubanga and his wife and a young woman, so that was you! From our conversations I can tell kuti you love politics maningi [5]!
You are literate politically. I am proud to have a future wife who knows and understand politics. We are a good match unoziva[6]. I am proud of you. Next time please let’s meet at my hostel. I will not do anything that will jeopardize your schooling. I just want to hold you in my arms chete[7], and kiss you. That will make me happy.
You can trust that it will never go be beyond that what you are scared of! I want an educated wife. I will not spoil your future, make you pregnant, ayiwa[8]. I am sure this is what you are scared of but now you have got my assurance. Let’s clear this aspect of our relationship and trust me, Noma.
I hope your boarding sister, Sister Malachi does not open this letter. Why does she do that? You are grown ups, man. They treat you like kids, he! You are scared of your brother-in-law, Mr. Mubanga too. But why should you be scare of him? If you wish I can come to your place and we meet there at your place. If I come home then they will know that I am serious about marrying you in future.
I love you Noma, love you forever, and love you till I die. I am sending my kisses in the air right now! Receive them so that when you sleep you think about me and dream of me. I dream of you always, most of the time kissing you. U lele kahke umufazi wami [9]. Is that correct isiNdebele, Noma? Usaseke ka! [10] I am learning. I want to speak with my future father-in-law in IsiNdebele the first day I meet him.
Yours forever,
Pana
She would wait until evening when they are having been evening classes. That is when love letters were written. She replied him at once!
Roma Secondary School
P.O. Box.
Lusaka
Dear Pana, Sweetheart, my darling,
Thank you for your letter I got today. I was happy to hear you came back safe from the front and that you are now at the University. It is a relief to me always if you are at UNZA. I hope when the schools close you will still be at UNZA. I have just told my best friend Lillian Sithwala that you are my boyfriend.
She enjoyed this news and asked if she could read the letter you wrote me. I gave her to read she enjoyed it by the look of things, she could not contend her laughing. We do share the letters we get from our best parts. Her Boyfriend is called Anzy. Boy they are really in love. I can get this just by the letters they write each other. I told her I sleep with your photo underneath my pillow so that I have sweet dreams. She does the same. I love her she is my friend and she is nice to me.
By the time I attend University you will have left UNZA. You are finishing in two years time. I have already made up my mind about you Pana. I love you very much and we shall get married when I finish university. It will take sometime until we can get married but we shall be together all the time. Nothing will come in the way now. It is a question of when that will happen. It is very important to me to finish university degree first before I can get married to you.
I will come and see you at the library but we can also go to the cinema. I want us to watch that film “Jaws” together. A friend of mine told me it’s frightful if you are alone.
Do you want me to tell you how our daily routine is like here at Roma Sec, we wake up very early in the morning around 5 O’clock, bath with very cold water, biting cold, go to Mass, then after it’s breakfast, then after manual work, assemble, we start school at 8: O’clock. On Saturdays we do our washing and ironing.
In the afternoon we go to classes again to do our homework. If you belong to a club, Choir or Girl-Guide association or Drama, that is the time we go for theses activities. There is tuck shop time as well where only bread is sold. We eat Koro before we go to dinner, do you still remember koro? Koro is a delicious dish for boarders, water mixed with sugar and bread, tichitemura chingwa[11], that is koro. It’s a big thing here.
We eat that passionately because it complements the food in the dining room. We laze around a lot on Saturdays. In the evening there will be either a disco or a film. Most of the girls will be learning for exams already. I think it’s too much too soon. To start early to learn for exams you forget again so it’s best to leave it to close exams time so that the pressure forces you to put in as much as you can do.
On Sunday we are allowed to sleep longer and then go to high Mass at 7. The whole school will be wearing” tunics” our uniforms! We go to breakfast after Mass. After Mass we go to classes again until lunch time. After lunch we go to our domes to rest but we should be back to classes again. As from 2 O’clock the visitors start coming to see their daughters. My sister has never come to see me here.
This is the worst time here at boarding, if you don’t have visitors. Some girls cry if they don’t get visitors. Each time I do not get a visitor I miss home, I wish I was back in Rhodesia. If you want to come to see me here at Roma, you have to come with a lady otherwise I will have problems with Sister Malachi. She will not allow me to see you. If you are coming please bring just bread and sugar only.
You can plan to come next term as it is now going to be school holidays, its not worth it we shall be seeing each other soon. Please check me at the library after 2 as from next week. After collecting my books we shall go to Goma Lakes, our meeting place. We can also meet at your hostel this time. I can bring my sister’s children as a cover up so that I can stay longer with you at the Lakes and I do not need to rush home.
I can’t wait until I see you again. I love you. If you were here I would be very happy. I mean it. I am still thinking about a present I can give you. I don’t want a ring from you because it will make everything obvious. I hope you sleep well sweetheart.
Sweet dreams. You are the most precious and the most remarkable man in my life. I feel blessed to have you as a future husband. This letter is lucky because it will see you and feel you first before I do. I am sending my kisses by air! Please capture them and you sleep well for me till we meet.
Yours for ever
Nomamvula
Panashe was with Nomamvula at the Goma Lakes when he told her he had to leave immediately as he wanted to meet Dr. Ishewokunze, Christopher Ishewokunze. He was a lecturer at the University (UNZA). She asked if they could go together because she knew the sister to him, Patricia Ishewokunze.
They were bridesmaids together at Sis Victoria Mcwabeni’s wedding. It was a pleasant introduction. But seeing how they were connected to each other, he asked if they were friends! Ko igirlfriend yako here nhai Pana? [12]
Panashe proudly said: Hongu, Baba. When we get independent, ticha chata muZimbabwe kwete kuno![13] Then Dr. Ishewokunze would call Nomamvula Muroora wangu (My daughter-in-law) each time they met at the university compass.
It was Dr. Ishewokunze who collected the letters of Panashe when he was reported dead in combat right inside Rhodesia. From the letters, he got the address, wrote Nomamvula a letter to come and see him at his office. Nomamvula had written several letters without getting a reply from him. Pana wrote more than her.
It was a strange thing! Dr. Ishewokunze calling her to his office! Who was she to be asked to go and see a university professor at his office? But if he was introduced as muroora surely there is nothing suspicious about it. She went to see him.
She looked directly at his face, he did not want to look at her, he avoided her but told her long lecture about the struggle. It had become bitter. “Right now we do not know who the enemy is and who the friend in the struggle. I sometimes sleep here in this office because it’s not safe to go home.” He told her about the turbulences in both liberation movements, in ZAPU and ZANU concurrently.
It’s fighting Smith and inside the liberation movements there is a lot of infighting too. But then slowly, he breaks the news that he had to collect Pana‘s clothes because he will not come back, he has been killed in the combat right inside Rhodesia. Her heart was broken. The loss of such a decent and noble man engulfed her.
When she left Dr. Ishewokunze’s office, she missed one stair way and went crashing down the steps. Some benevolent-minded people came to assist her to get on to her feet. She felt dizzy for some moment before she could recollect her next movement back to Kalundu where she stayed. When she was asked to go to the university clinic because she was nose bleeding, she declined. She was fine, she said. She had to leave the university quickly before Mr. Mubanga gets it that she was near the department of law.
He had told him his real name as Chandichada. She dropped the name Panashe in her mental presence at once. She mourned him using that real name and not Pana. Panashe was a guerrilla name and not his real one. She mourned him secretly!
She went only once to Goma Lakes to let her tears down as that was the only place she could cry alone and the only place where she met him and dreamt about their future lives in the coming Zimbabwe.
It never occurred to her that there were people looking at her mourning her dead boyfriend, killed in the noble cause of freeing Zimbabwe. Later in her life Nomamvula got a son and named him Chandichada in remembrance of this great man, a dear friend slaughtered in the noble cause of liberating Zimbabwe.
He had promised to marry her. She had asked him often how was that going to be possible since she was Ndebele and him a Manyika. He just asked her one question “ko, is Mrs. Victoria Chitepo a Manyika woman? Lets not nurture tribalism, this is how we easily got colonized. Ko yakanyorwa here kunzi iyi ndeyechimanyika?
We should look above such narrowness of tribal thinking, Noma. I just hate this tribalistic conversation. This Uri MuShona, Uri MuNdebele destroys this struggle almost everyday. It destroys the entire fabric of the new dawn of independent Zimbabwe, making it difficult to defeat the actual enemy, Ian Smith.”
Nomamvula had dreamt of being the wife of this noble man, his caliber, in an independent Zimbabwe. With this man they shared so many things in common, both were non-tribalists far from it. She had promised to teach him isiNdebele.
They both dreamt of having children together and their first born name was going to be Bhekuzulu, meaning, “facing Zululand” Their second child was to called Mupa-kaviri, meaning, God gave us a second chance. That name would have befitted both of them, their lives experiences, convoluted lives.
She regretted having taken so long to go to his hostel where he lived in the campus. She could have at least put him in her arms and kissed him very often, those few times were not enough, she loved him. She does not know how such an ascetic life descended on her. But she did not know she was going to lose him, she wanted to take it bit by bit.
This was it! She will have to face life without him. She could say with equal truth that she will never find another man as noble as this man she has just lost. There is a book from the African Writers Series whose title is, The Beautiful Ones are Not Yet Born. There should be a book that still needs to be written in reverse. The title of this book should be, The Beautiful Ones Died In The Liberation Struggle, Liberating Zimbabwe”!
[1] “at the Front”
[2] “and his army alone”
[3] “the landmines are located”
[4] A girl from my own background
[5] “a great deal”
[6] “you know”
[7] only
[8] no
[9] Supposed to be “ulale kahle, umfazi wami”, “sleep well, my wife”.
[10] Now, don’t laugh!
[11] “Which we have with bread”
[12] “So, is she your girlfriend, Pana?”
[13] “Yes, Sir….we shall have our wedding in Zimbabwe not here!”
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