Zimbabwe News and Internet Radio

Luke-ing the Beast in the Eye…. Ras Emmerson launches Command Vegetables programme

By Luke Batsirai Tamborinyoka

It is not every day that an illegitimate President storms into people’s kitchens and starts coercing them towards a particular diet.

Luke-ing the Beast in the Eye with Luke Batsirai Tamborinyoka
Luke-ing the Beast in the Eye with Luke Batsirai Tamborinyoka

But Ras Emmerson, our coup leader who wants to force everyone to be a Rastafarian last Friday urged the nation not to complain about the high price of beef and instead resort to the greens and potatoes.

The statement has spawned a craze across the despondent country in which the so-called President has become a subject of caricature and unmitigated mirth.

Indeed, since time immemorial caricature is a site of the struggle where aggrieved citizens are permitted to make their repressive leaders subjects of unmitigated disdain and derision. 

Rastafarians do not eat mean but for Emmerson, the duplicity was exposed by recent photographs of him eating cow-boots (mazondo), aboard a chartered flight to his many international destinations before a foiled coup in November forced him to stay “indoors” in Zimbabwe for his annual leave.

Let them eat cake, so said Mary Antoinette just before the French revolution in 1789 here at home, our very own Ras Emmerson has just launched a new programme of command vegetables, given the unaffordable price of beef.

Very soon, given the high cost of transport, ED could soon to be urging the nation to walk. After all, exercises are good for one’s health in the same manner that he urged Zimbabweans to resort to murivo (vegetables) and potatoes. 

What was shocking was not so much the latest meat coup that ED has just mounted in the kitchens of Zimbabweans. Even more astounding was that his minions around him at that function in Kuwadzana are heard shouting  and telling him the various challenges facing the people so that he could address them.

He did not even know that school fees have become unaffordable and he could be heard retorting “chikoro chaita sei? (What is it about the schools that you want me to say?)

This showed that Mnangagwa is at sea when it comes to the daily grind that Zimbabweans are facing every day.

What this exposed was that Mnangagwa is not grounded. He is clueless and has to rely on his well-fed minions to suggest topics that he should address. It is even more tragic that these speech lines should be made right in front of the very audience he seeks to address.  

As I said a fortnight ago, the Kuwadzana vegetables comment was the V11 that Zimbabwe is saddled with clueless leaders who have taken permanent residence in Cloud Cuckoo land; leaders that are not aware of the daily challenges that ordinary Zimbabweans.

What worse is that our new-found Rastafarian is a man of dry speech deliveries and is not given to clever polemics, the primary attribute of any politician worth his salt.

For a politician photographed enjoying meat and who recently retreated for a weekend braai with his fellow POLAD comedians, it was disingenuous that he should lie to the nation that his own diet comprised vegetables and potatoes.

Unless he wants us to believe that he, Khupe and his other sidekicks were having a braai of muboora (pumpkin leaves) when they retreated from the people’s suffering at his Sherwood farm in at   Kwekwe. 

Mnangagwa is just dry, deceitful, disingenuous, cruel and clueless.

His vegetables rant exposes just how green he is, in terms of cerebral aptitude.

Indeed, the murivo debacle would leave any insincere, under-par charlatan green with envy!

The regime has moved from the tragic to the ridiculously unhinged.

Elsewhere, and on a more dangerous note, machete wielding thugs known as maShurugwi and who even have the guts to storm police stations have become a threat to national security.

But this should not come as a surprise, given the fact that the so-called Minister of State Security Owen Mudha Ncube is himself a muShurugwi having made his career as Mnangagwa’s henchman among the small scale artisanal miners in Kwekwe.

In short, the minister of State Security is himself a threat to national security, being a member of a dangerous, well-connected cult that has become a law unto itself in the country.

It all goes back to Mnangagwa, the godfather and archbishop of the country’s maShurugwi.  

Indeed, those who the Gods want to destroy…………

Luke Tamborinyoka is the Deputy National Spokesperson of the MDC. He is a multiple award winning journalist and an ardent political scientist who won the Book Prize for best student when he graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Political Science at the University of Zimbabwe. You can interact with him on Facebook or on the twitter handle @luke_tambo.