By Robson Sharuko
If this was an examination of some sorts, the Dynamos report card would make sorry reading — Chicken Inn (Failed); Shabanie (Failed); Ngezi Platinum (Failed); Highlanders (Failed); ZPC Kariba (Failed) and Yadah Stars (Failed).
Six subjects and all of them with the same result — Failed.
Three “Us” against the Gamecocks, that’s what a team gets when it loses a match in which it has also failed to score, Ngezi Platinum and Highlanders and three “Es”, the mark a team gets for a draw, against Shabanie, ZPC Kariba and Yadah Stars.
Three out of a possible 18 points, 15 points dropped in the first six matches and a 16.66 percent record, out of 100 percent, which is as pathetic, a return, as such an ailing giant can ever imagine in their worst of nightmares.
Failure to score in four of those games, needing one of their opponents to be reduced to 10 men for them to find a way to score on Sunday at Rufaro, a place which, in a bygone era, used to represent the theatre of their dreams.
The third worst attack in the league so far, with ZPC Kariba, who are bottom of the table, having just one goal to their credit while Herentals, whom some people choose to mock for having a 45-year-old forward in their strikeforce, have only three goals to date.
The third worst defence, so far, in the campaign and, not surprisingly, Shabanie — the only team who conceded more than a goal against them this season — have the leakiest of defences with nine goals conceded.
A DeMbare defence, which conceded three goals against Shabanie in a dozen minutes at Rufaro, will probably be shamed by the fact that the Zvishavane side have only scored five times in their other five matches at an average of 105 minutes per every goal.
Sunday’s equaliser for Dynamos against Yadah Stars came after the latter had been reduced to 10 men following the expulsion of their inspirational skipper, Jimmy Dzingai, for a moment of madness.
Against teams with 11 men, these misfiring Glamour Boys have failed to score in four of the six matches they have played in the league this season, including failing to breach a ZPC Kariba defence that has leaked eight goals to date.
In the six matches they have played to date, this group of Glamour Boys have only taken the lead once — and that came against Shabanie at Rufaro when, somehow, they took a three-goal lead before letting the demons that have been crippling them all season return to haunt them as the visitors scored three times to force a draw.
Of course, Lloyd Mutasa — who interestingly has not lost his sense of style amid the darkness and chaos that has engulfed his team in recent weeks — still sees some positives.
He says they are waiting for their big break and once that comes, things will fall into shape, as if leading Shabanie 3-0 at Rufaro, midway into that battle, was not a break in itself when they then conspired to somehow blow away with that exhibition of suicidal defending that was an insult to their reputation.
“We are not happy, we are still in search of those three points and I am sure it’s just a matter of time before we break the duck,’’ Mutasa said on Sunday.
“Look at the creativity, the chances that came our way and the conversion rate is not directly proportional.
“It’s an area that’s still work in progress but, at least, we are happy that we managed to score a goal. You can only, but think of scoring two or three going forward after scoring this single goal.’’
Come on Lloyd, have you forgotten that you scored three goals in just one match, not so long ago, and then found a way to share the points with Shabanie who came back to force a draw in that game?
The painful reality, which probably should be accepted right now, is that there is simply too much dead wood in this Dynamos side and players, who probably would never have been allowed to come close to the club’s training ground when the likes of Memory Mucherahowa and his crew were wearing these iconic colours, have somehow been smuggled into the first team.
That’s the best, or is it the worst, which DeMbare can get these days.
And they just need to look at the team which is joint top of the table, Ngezi Platinum, to be reminded of the talent that could have been in their ranks today had these Glamour Boys been the club that they used to be in the past.
From the coach Tonderai Ndiraya and much of his backroom staff to the players who are fueling the Ngezi Platinum charge for honours, there is DeMbare feel to the personnel at Ngezi Platinum.
Some left in frustration, because the Glamour Boys have become ordinary, others were pushed out, for reasons no one knows, while others refused to live the lie that they were still playing for the country’s finest side when what has been left is a shell of what used to be a giant.
And, then, you have a leadership and a technical crew who are living in denial and preaching a gospel that things will get better, fooling everyone that this is typical with DeMbare, that the Glamour Boys are traditional slow starters and things will get better.
Even, when it’s very clear, things are getting worse.
The fans have deserted them and they can only watch from a distance while thousands are coming back to Barbourfields to cheer a resurgent Bosso and getting value for money, including a contender for Goal of the Season, which was scored by Brian Banda in the derby against Chicken Inn on Sunday.
A flick gave the ball the lift it needed and the connection, from outside the box, was perfect — producing a volley of such purity it flew into the top corner it would have beaten some of the best goalkeepers in the world.
That’s what fans pay their money for, even when their team, as was the case at Barbourfields on Sunday, doesn’t end up winning the game. Sadly, those moments like the ones which illuminated Barbourfields on Sunday, have become rare commodities at Rufaro when Dynamos, or this effigy of what used to be the Glamour Boys, is being paraded this season.
Something will have to give because it simply can’t go on like this. And everyone at the club knows that. –The Herald