By Bishop Dave Chikosi
Adrian Peterson is an American football player who was recently indicted on charges of reckless or negligent injury to a child. He is accused of “whooping” his four year old son repeatedly with a tree branch causing welts and cuts on the child’s legs, buttocks and even genitals.
The case has sparked a fierce debate in America about child discipline. The anti-spanking crowd has sought to capitalize on this incident. They want all spanking banned in the country.
But the truth is: Peterson’s case is not about spanking. It’s about child abuse. And there is a big difference.
Don’t cross the line
Any parent who spanks their kids leaving bruises and welts, has crossed the line from spanking to abuse. You are probably disciplining in anger, and not out of principle, and that’s always a bad thing.
You never discipline out of anger. Aside from causing physical injuries, you will also seriously alienate the child emotionally. The child knows that this outburst was uncalled for, and will become angry, which usually leads to rebellion.
This is why the Bible has this very important warning:
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them” (Ephesians 6:4).
God disciplines his children
But let’s back up a little and look at the basics of corporal punishment i.e. what is it, how is it to be administered, when, why and where? I of course, write from an Afro-Judeo-Christian perspective.
The first thing to note is that our heavenly Father disciplines all His children. The only children He doesn’t discipline are those not His own.
“For the LORD disciplines those He loves, and He punishes each one He accepts as His child. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as His own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? (Hebrews 12:6-7)
Discipline is proof of our heavenly Father’s love. It’s a statement that says there is still hope that the child can change for the better. If God thought you and I were beyond redemption, He wouldn’t waste His time.
But how does God discipline us? We know that our earthly fathers use earthly means to discipline their children. We thus expect our spiritual Father to use spiritual means. He does. He uses His Word, which “Spirit and Life” (John 6:63) to discipline us. We are told that:
“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:2).
But wait! God’s discipline can escalate beyond the spiritual to natural means, if the child of God continues to refuse to heed the counsel of His Word.
The point can be reached where God is left with no choice but to instruct His church to “hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved” (1 Cor. 5:5).
Donkeys, sticks and carrots
Question: how do you motivate a donkey to get up the hill? Answer: stick and carrot. The stick reminds the donkey of a pain he wants to avoid. The carrot gives him something to push forward towards.
In the Bible God uses both the joys of heaven (carrot) as well as the threat of divine judgment (stick) to drive us to Himself. The scriptures are quite clear that the Christian life is based on a very strong motif of rewards – punishment motif.
As earthly fathers we emulate our heavenly Father. We employ the carrot (or candy) to induce and encourage good behavior in our kids. We also use the stick to discourage and redirect unacceptable behavior.
The Biblical rod of correction
If we are to raise kids who are true champions, we’re going to need to use both rewards and punishments. Rewards will cause the little guy to work harder towards his goals. But rewards do nothing to promote respect for authority. If as a parent all you use is rewards, then the child will end up giving you no more respect than the child gives to Santa Claus.
Remember that the child is born with both good and bad tendencies. Rewards promote the good, but the rod or stick is there to deal with the negative tendencies. And the Bible has a name for these negative tendencies. It uses the collective term “foolishness”:
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15)
The point is: in the heart of every newly-born is both goodness and foolishness. The goodness in a baby is a by-product of the Imago Dei (image of God) in all human beings. The foolishness, on the other hand, is a by-product of the Original Sin of Adam.
This Original Sin can only be overcome by the New Birth. But children cannot be born again until the age of accountability. Therefore the God-ordained method to contain the sin nature in little children is spanking.
Unfortunately too many parents choose the carrot over the stick. Others choose the stick over the carrot. Both are wrong. The two must work together, hand-in-glove.
The little emperor and the drill sergeant
The carrot alone will produce a dangerous permissive atmosphere in the home, with no demands or boundaries placed on kids. This will lead to chaos and the creation of the “little emperor” in the home, to whom parents kowtow on a daily basis. This is the spoiled brat that we see acting up all the time in public spaces.
But to choose the stick alone is equally foolish. The parent becomes the drill sergeant whose main task is to lay down and enforce the law, which must be obeyed “because I say so!”
Such domestic legalism and excessive discipline may work in the short run, but in the long run it breeds disobedience. Kids learn to become sneaky. But more importantly they never learn to relate to their parents out of love. They relate to them out of fear.
Spanking ground rules
Before parents begin whooping kids will-nilly, there are common-sense ground rule requirements that need to be observed. The general rule for spanking is this: it needs to be done at the right TIME, in the right WAY, in the right PLACE and for the right REASONS.
(To be continued. This essay was extracted from a 2010 sermon series: “Parenting X-box Generation Kids.” Excerpts can be viewed at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjjBvbn6t24. Bishop Chikosi can be reached at email dvchks@yahoo.com)