Open pastoral letter to Emmerson Dambudzo Mnangagwa – Bishop Dave Chikosi
By Bishop Dave Chikosi
First of all congratulations sir on your surreal comeback. It was Amai Dr “Stop It” who once prophetically declared, “Mugoti unopuwa anyerere.” It seems we are seeing a fulfilment of that utterance right now.
The nation watched in disbelief as the same Amai gave you a verbal bollocking in public. You sat there quietly and patiently. I’m sure your political opponents vakazipigwa at the time.
But here we are, with you now taking over as helmsman to steer this badly bruised and battered ship called Zimbabwe towards the land of milk and honey for the next ten months or so.
Makorokoto. Amhlope.
May I, at this juncture, proffer a few questions, pointers and suggestions for you to chew on even as the journey of national reconstruction begins?
- If unemployed Amai ever decides to apply for a job as typist in your Office, please reject. We have seen this movie before. It has a very bad plot.
- Can you please make sure we have small government? The Bible says “Of the increase of his government there shall be no end” (Isaiah 9:6). That, sir, was not in any way a reference to your government or that of the person who gets elected in August 2018.
The only increase in government that is beneficial to a people is that of our Lord Jesus Christ. Every other bureaucratic increase invariably ends up in political repression.
- Can we stop the demonizing and “otherising” of fellow Zimbabweans embedded in party slogans such as “Pasi nanhingi”? In a new Zimbabwe we must accept our political differences without putting opponents down figuratively or literally. Unfortunately for you sir, your signature “Pasi nemhanduuuuuuu!” will also have to go.
- Please do explain to the incoming Cabinet that they are not here to rule or kutonga vachingotonga, vachingotonga. Rather they are here to do three things: serve, serve, serve. The culture of “chef” must fall. Ministers are appointed to serve not to be served. Even the Son of God Himself said He came to serve, not to be served. Servant leadership is what it’s all about sir.
- The culture of corruption and incompetence must be uprooted forthwith. The ZRP is the biggest offender here. Isn’t it remarkable that since the ZRP disappeared from the streets there has been almost zero criminal activity witnessed publicly? Maybe elements the ZDF ought to supervise and show the ZRP how to properly do their job. Perhaps the culture of chioko muhomwe will stop then.
- The other command culture where ordinary citizens are compelled to congregate at the airport to dance kongonya and ululate as they welcome the arrival of the Great Leader must stop. Do you have any idea, sir, how many man-hours are wasted while our mothers and fathers are busy twerking at the airfield?
- Please Mr President allow angry citizens to insult His Excellency. It is their democratic right to call you names of their choice sir. We hope you have a thicker skin than our last President, who seemed to wear his feelings on his sleeves. That is unbecoming of a head of State.
- Can we have some form of Truth and Reconciliation Conference? There is too much sub-surface anger and angst in parts of the populace that needs to find an outlet. The goal of any such TRC must not be recriminations but healing. Forgiveness of truly repentant offenders musts be the guiding principle of such a Conference. So no one needs to fear it.
- All businessmen, industrialists, professionals and academics who fled the Mugabe reign must actively be courted back for the rebuilding exercise. The Strive Masiyiwas of this nation must be given prominent roles to whip our economy back into shape.
Lastly sir, please do give General Chiwenga a good hug for all of us. That soldier is simply badass. I mean, who coups like that? I hope he’s thinking about writing a best seller on this first of a kind military coup.
And to the rest of Africa: please don’t do coups. They are generally a very, very bad idea. Usually people die. But just in case some African general still insists on doing one, I suggest you at the very least come to Zimbabwe and talk to us first.
After all we are the nation that invented the civilized and silent coup.
