Mbalula’s big mouth is devil’s postbag

By Bishop Lazarus

The issue of criminality in South Africa is historical just as the issue of poverty. Black South Africans are poor in a country of plenty and that is the source of criminality not the Zimbabwean army.

DEAR congregants, allow me to skip all the pleasantries and get straight to the point. South African Minister of Police Fikile Mbalula should just shut up. He needs to “open his small mind instead of opening his big mouth.” One writer, put it more succinctly when he said: “If only closed minds came with closed mouths.”

Today’s sermon comes from Psalm 141 vs 3 which the motor-mouth Mbalula needs to read over and over again. This verse says: “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Please Lord, set a guard over Mbalula’s big foul mouth! Lord, watch over the door of his reckless lips! Ooh, Lord of salvation!

Some of you may be wondering why your usually calm and collected Bishop is so angry with this Mbalula joke of a minister? Well, let me recap the hogwash from Mbalula’s big foul mouth.

“There are people who come here from Zimbabwe, and they cross the line here. They run away from the military in Zimbabwe and they come here and promote criminality here in South Africa.

“There are Zimbabwean ex-soldiers who are in this country, robbing banks and promoting criminality. They are running away from uncle Bob there.

“In Zimbabwe once you are a soldier, you are a soldier for life. You can’t get out of it. So to get out of it they run to South Africa, then they come here and rob banks.

“They are on the payroll of criminals, and we can’t trace them. If a South African steals, it’s easy to trace them because I will find you somewhere in the forensics because I have your fingerprints. I’ve got you all covered, South Africans.

“Zimbabweans are working for us in this country. Very good Zimbabweans. They are working in our kitchens, they are everything, highly educated people. If there is anything that President Mugabe did was to educate his people. The people working in your kitchens are doctors. They are more educated than you. They are from Zimbabwe,” said the small-minded Mbalula.

The temptation at first was to tell Mbalula lots of painful and hard truths about that supposed Rainbow nation. We know quite a lot about South Africa and its people such that if we were to open up, Mbalula would feel sorry for his poor self and his country that is living a lie. But then, no pig will pull this Bishop into the mud.

I will deal with the pig because as they say; “When nails grow long, we cut not fingers. Similarly when misunderstanding grow up, cut your ego, not your relationship.” South Africa is not the problem. It’s this clown called Mbalula who doesn’t seem to know that; “Big mouth don’t make a man big” as John Wayne would put it. His mouth, as the Gaelic proverb goes, “has become the devil’s postbag.”

I know some of you are silently asking; “Hey, Bishop, why can’t you take it easy? Why can’t you be neighbourly? And what has happened to diplomacy?”

Well, I am not gonna take it easy because American author Roger Ebert put it the Bishop Lazarus way when he says; “It is reckless to make broad generalisations about any group of people.”

As for being neighbourly and being diplomatic, I leave that to Government and if you have been following news over the past few days, you will realise that the Zimbabwean Government really restrained itself from giving the foul-mouthed Mbalula some tough lessons about himself and his country.

Bishop Lazarus is not a diplomat. I am an honest Bishop inspired by Ephesians 5 vs 4 which says: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

We can’t let this joke of a minister trample on our country, just because there is some animal called diplomacy. No. Handisi kuzomboteta and handisi kuzodzora tsvimbo nekuti Mbalula abata mahobi ake. No.

This, however, doesn’t mean I don’t understand this animal called diplomacy which Costas Constantinou in his 1996 book; “On the Way to Diplomacy” called “a regulated process of communication” while Alan James termed it “the communication system of the international society” in his 1980 paper entitled; “Diplomacy and International Society.”

I particularly like the perspective given by Abba Eban in his 1983 book; “The New Diplomacy” who says in diplomatic communication “saying is doing” and “doing is saying.”

He goes on to say the “semantic obsession of diplomats rests on the realisation that speech is an incisive form of action.”

Was the reckless Mbalula oblivious of the fact that in diplomatic communication “saying is doing and doing is saying?” Wasn’t he aware that “speech is an incisive form of action?”

You want Bishop Lazarus to be bound by diplomacy yet Van Dinh Tran in his 1987 book; “Communication and Diplomacy in a Changing World” makes it very clear that; “Communication is to diplomacy as blood is to the human body.

Whenever communication ceases, the body of international politics, the process of diplomacy, is dead, and the result is violent conflict or atrophy.” Saka Bishop ndivo vadii. Regai ndiparidze shoko.

Let’s go back to Mbalula’s undiplomatic statement because mungangoti Bishop Lazarus is just a hater. To start with Mbalula lies that Zimbabwean soldiers “run away from the military in Zimbabwe and come here to promote criminality.”

A whole minister believing in bar talk that is not supported by any facts? Yes, here and there you find rogue soldiers engaging in crime in South Africa but surely that doesn’t give Mbalula the licence to generalise such an issue.

Mbalula should deal with his South African criminals and stop sub-contracting his country’s shocking levels of criminality to Zimbabwe, especially its highly respected army.

The issue of criminality in South Africa is historical just as the issue of poverty. Black South Africans are poor in a country of plenty and that is the source of criminality not the Zimbabwean army.

Mbalula goes on to say “they are running away from Uncle Bob.” Uncle what? I don’t take this lightly especially when it’s coming from an Uncle Tom. No. Mbalula should leave our President alone.

He continues lying saying; “if you are a soldier . . . You are a soldier for life. You can’t get out.” We all know this is a blue lie. There are many former soldiers in this country who are doing quite well outside the army.

Mbalula takes his idiocy to another level and in the process exposes himself saying “they are on the payroll of criminals and we can’t trace them” because they don’t have their fingerprints. If he doesn’t have their fingerprints, how then did he know that they are Zimbabwean soldiers?

No wonder why one South African journalist once said Mbalula suffers from “foot-in-mouth disease.” Anogwara muchinda uyu.

Just when we thought Mbalula had spewed enough lies, he even had the temerity to insult us. “They are working in our kitchens, they are everything, highly educated people . . . The people working in your kitchens are doctors. They are more educated than you. They are from Zimbabwe,” said Mbalula with no shame at all.

Zimbabwean doctors working in kitchens in South Africa? This minister is a candidate for a mental institution.

In 2015, when Mbalula got over-excited and insulted Americans when the Springboks walloped the US 64-0, one Craig Joseph wrote:

“On behalf of all sane South Africans, I would like to apologise for our Sports Minister’s trash talk. There is irony in the fact that he is capable of navigating social media accounts but isn’t capable of having the intelligence or sense of responsibility that comes with them.”

Indeed, Mbalula lacks the intelligence and sense of responsibility.

No wonder why during his 40th birthday celebrations, Mbalula was forced to apologise to his wife and the whole of South Africa for bedding Johannesburg model Joyce Molamu.

“I have apologised to my family, particularly my wife, as I should have known better,” he said.

Mbalula should have known better when he opened his big mouth and spewed all that hogwash against Zimbabwe. Matthew 15 vs 11 says: “It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

I really hope Mbalula knows a bit about the Holy Book. Anoda munamato.

It is our hope that next time Mbalula won’t invent sickening lies about Zimbabwe with his small mind and share them with his big foul mouth.

Bishop is out!

This article was originally published in the state owned ‘The Sunday Mail’ newspaper in Zimbabwe