Which discussion do you plan on having, ZEC? 

By Tinomudaishe Chinyoka

The news that the ZEC has invited NERA for talks as an option to exercising the people’s democratic and constitutional right to protest is not surprising: it’s even doubtful that it’s news at all. The surprise would have been if they hadn’t made the invitation at all. Now that, would have been newsworthy.

After all, didn’t the Shona of lore tell us:

Mwoyochena wei svimborume kubvisa gwana gwemvana madzibgwa?

I mean, seriously speaking! Joking aside, does ZEC need to talk to anyone to find out what NERA wants? Who in this country of ours needs to waste time talking in order to find out the obvious?

How about a credible election, for once? How about ZEC just going ahead and give us that already? Then you can have all the talks you need, but before that, surely a credible election is not too much to ask, is it? One where every X counts. Not the axes that Zanu PF murderers used on innocent people in ’08 after losing the election that ZEC stole, but the X, the one you put on a piece of paper next to the open palm because you are tired of the cockerel heralding false dawns and need a little bit of change.

When serious people like the inimitable Israel Dzinemunhenzva take their time register as candidates for President, how about giving them a fair shot? How about implementing the law and allowing free and fair elections? I mean, how about actually conducting an election and not these cyclical frolics into theatre that ZEC gives us?

In 2008, was it not ZEC that kept results of the presidential election under wraps for six weeks while giving Zanu PF a chance to deploy their militia in preparation for the run-off that should never have been? Isn’t it time ZEC at least apologised and them commit harakiri over that little stunt? How about you schedule talks for that discussion?

How about you start by proposing the terms of your resignation en-masse and then we talk about how you go about repaying us for inflicting Ebagum the First on us for another 8 years when he should have been at The Hague by now? Ready for those talks, ZEC?

Let me ask again, lest you misheard, how about convening talks to finally announce the correct results for the presidential election in 2008 where Morgan Richard Tsvangirai got 76% of the vote, like Ebagum the First testified recently?

How about you propose talks over the sham that is being perpetrated in our very eyes right now: advance rigging by selective registration? Every time there is a by-election, it is the people in those constituencies that can register to vote. And since Zanu PF MPs are the ones contriving to leave office through corruption and death, it is in those constituencies that voter registration is taking place. How about explaining that little gem?

So, ZEC, how about you let us know how many Border Gezi graduates you have registered in these constituencies? How about giving us that information before proposing a useless discussion on things you already know? How about confessing to your advance plans to announce Ebagum the First, as winner of the 2018 Presidential election without even an assurance that he will actually be alive at that time?

Let’s talk about that, hell I could even suggest the wording you might use. How about: ‘We, the maZibenzi Echimusha Chino (ZEC) hereby announce that following elections held on March 13, 2018, His Holiness Ebagum, first of his name, Lord of the revisionist war veterans, King of Homophobia, First Tourist of Singapore, Sacker of Ngungumbane, Butcher of Matabeleland, Tormentor of the UN microphone, Usurper of farms and market stalls alike, who according to the false prophet Tony Gara is God’s second born son, has been re-elected to his second 5 year term of office.”

We recently saw lists circulating confirming that a number of you in ZEC are landowners, holding sizeable farms. Payment for services rendered no doubt. How about talks to clarify why this doesn’t make you unsuitable to act as an independent institution? Are you ready for those talks? I mean, we are more likely to find out something new in those talks than in discussions about what NERA wants: can you say credible election?

Does the ZEC seriously think it is credible after this stunt? Is it a coincidence that these ‘talks’ were timed for just as those unlawful Regulations known as Statutory Instrument 101A were set to expire? Are we to believe that this is no more than just a fantastic coincidence?

Yeah, let’s have talks. Like about how Zanu PF affiliated bodies like ZEC always keep their word. You want to try and keep a straight face during those talks? Like when you kept lying and lying in 2008 about there being results to tabulate when in fact you knew that your patron had lost, heavily? Those talks?

NERA will do well to recall that nothing good ever comes from talking to dishonest people. That the only language ZEC has ever shown itself to possess is prevarication and lying with a straight face. So how does anyone have talks with a group that lies and lies to perpetuate our enslavement by Ebagum the First? What good can come out of talking to people that already know that all they want is to keep their patron in power? Why should anyone believe that ZEC is interested in a credible election?

NERA will do well to recall that it is fear that motivates Zanu PF to use its proxy the ZEC to offer to talk. That it is fear that makes Zanu PF want to go through the motions of talks while it consolidates itself. Like it consolidated itself during the GNU. And that because of this fear, ZEC is burrowing itself into 2018 by delaying the hand of the people from reaching for the controls. All ZEC wants is to allow Zanu PF to limp into 2018 and then it, ZEC, will do the rest.

NERA will do well to recall that ZEC is there to perform one function and one function alone: giving Ebagum the First some veneer of legitimacy to pepper over the stench of genocide in Matabeleland, crimes against humanity since 1999, theft of our country’s wealth, murder of innocent civilians perceived to be enemies of the kleptocracy, cruel and inhuman acts  against innocent protestors and many other crimes. ZEC gives a cyclical endorsement of these crimes, and seeks to ensure that this never changes.

Nothing new comes out of a meeting to discuss what all the participants already know. Nothing useful comes out of meeting the highway robber who attacked you before just because he has invited you to a meeting. All you do is get mugged again.

But that, you see, that might be why ZEC is asking NERA to a meeting. To mug us, the people of Zimbabwe, once again.

Because you see, after routinely announcing clearly fake election results since at least 2000, the ZEC has come to believe that we, the people of Zimbabwe, are mugs. After all, how is it that while Ebagum the First routinely gets more that a million votes, no one has ever met or seen anyone who says: I voted for Ebagum? Who right now can recall hearing that: ‘I voted for him.’ Mugs l tell you, we are all mugs to the ZEC.

I think it’s time for us to DO something. Less talking, more doing. That is where salvation awaits. Not through the ZEC. Tsvo! Bodo kani, tsvo! It’s time to do something, and that’s not talking.