Making babies, pinches of salt and British passports

By Cathy Buckle

Dear Family and Friends,

You know its October in Zimbabwe when it’s too hot to walk barefoot outside and the Jacaranda trees drop purple flowers far and wide.

When the African hoopoes call whoop whoop, whoop whoop, and stab the baked ground to catch insects in a single scoop.

When you spend your days looking up at the wide blue sky. Will it rain today you ask with exasperated sigh?

You know you’re in Zimbabwe this October because:

Where else would the Minister of Local Government say contraceptives should not be used?

“Go home and make babies” he said. “Forward with President Mugabe, forward with growing our population, down with the use of contraceptives!” the Minister chanted. And this is in a country where 90% of the population are unemployed and very few of the country’s 300,000  annual school and college graduates ever find jobs

You know you’re in Zimbabwe this October because:

Where else would the Minister of Energy blame the Meteorological Department for the country’s energy crisis? Apparently ‘wrong predictions’ were responsible for the government’s failure to plan against low water levels  in Kariba Dam where hydroelectricity is generated.

“…it turned out that the Met department had seen mist rather than rain during their predictions,” the Minister said. “My department has become skeptical of the Met office and we will henceforth take whatever they say with a big pinch of salt,” he added.

You know you’re in Zimbabwe this October because:

Where else would the Vice President of the country stay in a luxury  5 star hotel for over 290 days with his family at the expense of the government, at a cost so far in excess of US$120,000 because ‘suitable accommodation” has not yet been found for him.

And this in a country which is broke and has external debt of over 7 billion and internal debt of over 9 billion US dollars.

You know you’re in Zimbabwe this October because:

Where else would a black Zimbabwean doctor who is resident in the UK and  has managed to get British citizenship return to Zimbabwe to invade a farm? The  British medical doctor who runs a medical centre in Nottingham England has invaded a tobacco farm in Centenary and ordered the white Zimbabwean farmer to vacate the property. “

I am not going to be forced to give it to a man who holds a British passport,” the farmer said. And this is in a country which has just put out an appeal for US$86 million in food aid to urgently support 1.5 million Zimbabweans.

As we say in Zimbabwe this October 2015: Suffer continue. Until next time, thanks for reading, love cathy