How cold is it out there, Cde Jonathan Moyo?

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Opinion by Moses Chamboko

Discouraging and attacking disgruntled ZANU PF candidates standing as independents while singing for his supper with the warped belief that Tsholotsho North was fait accompli, Jonathan Moyo advised his fellow comrades “it is cold out there, I’ve been there before”.

Moses Chamboko
Moses Chamboko

Little did the opportunist political chameleon know that the rigging machinery would not be ubiquitous. ZANU PF targeted specific constituencies for manipulation but it would appear that Jonathan Moyo was too busy misdirecting his energies elsewhere, forgetting his own backyard!

If he did not overestimate his chances, then something was happening in the background that he was totally unaware of.  If indeed he is a strategist as we often hear, then his was a strategy that went awfully wrong. Inonzi tamba wakachenjera!!!

With the two prodigal sons from diametric parts of Zimbabwe, Jonathan Samkange and Munyaradzi Kereke smiling all the way to parliament, what is going on in Jonathan Moyo’s mind? It is time to turn to the master’s benevolence for survival?

He has to literally go down on his knees (if he hasn’t done so already) as Chinamasa did after the Dinyane fall-out in order to get any post. Should cabinet be elusive, a diplomatic posting could be an option. In this game, anything is better than nothing.

However, if that were to happen, he would probably be one of the worst diplomats of all time. Probably competing for the top prize with one Reward Marufu who was sent packing by Canadians after disregarding all diplomatic etiquette at every turn.  Yes, you have guessed it right.

We happily welcomed him home with a reward of one of the best farms and also gave him a generous package from the War Victims Compensation Fund after his obnoxious claim of disability, courtesy of the Polish-trained medic who masqueraded as a medical doctor.

If I had any say in Jonathan Moyo’s future, I would probably suggest an ambassadorial posting to Somalia or Afghanistan if no university accepts him back. Indeed, it would be good riddance to bad rubbish!!!

Challenging his defeat at the hands of Roseline Nkomo, the former legislator appeared to be reciting a script from the MDC’s Book of Electoral Challenge, word for word, when he cited massive irregularities from voter registration, to polling, all the way to the final count.

From the way he attacked the notorious ZEC mafia, you would be forgiven for thinking that he was an MDC candidate who had lost to ZANU PF. What’s good for the goose must be good for the gander, Mr Nutty Professor!

Given our experiences and fresh memory of the past three decades, the “new” cabinet is going to be nothing but simply “more of the same”, to borrow a mantra from Australia’s Tony Abbot. Even deadwood would like to have a piece of the cake as Kumbirai Kangai (or Cde GMB) was destined for.

But the living God of Abraham, Jacob and Isaac had sealed his serendipity already.

Taking a cue from Nathan Shamuyarira, principled, pragmatic, intelligent and diligent men such as Eric Matinenga know when to say “I’ve played my part, it is time to move on”.

In the house of shame, the looting brigade and vultures will be out in full force to grab whatever they can before sunset. Nobody knows which direction the next leader may wish to take after the grand exit, be that person come from ZANU PF, MDC or Madhuku’s Dreamers Party (MDP).

So it is going to be yet another long season of “make hay while the sun shines”

Corruption will continue as before if not worse, lawlessness will soon be a norm and misgovernance will develop new dimensions. The new constitution will be patched until it starts looking like an over-decorated Christmas tree. This is the abnormal that is perfectly normal in the world according to the party formed on 8 August 1963 in Enos Nkala’s house. RIP but makatisiira dambudziko!!

In all this, the greatest and worst sufferer as well as loser will be patients who will find that hospitals revert to being places to die, children who will soon discover that schools resemble museums, civil servants who shall struggle to put food on the table, let alone afford bus fare to and from work, the economy, which will become more and more informal.

I can imagine David Coltart, Henry Madzorera and Tendai Biti wondering if they are having a nightmare or watching a horror movie.

Unemployment will skyrocket unabated, supermarkets will look like tuckshops while fuel stations may start advertising “we sell fuel” as if they are designed to sell madora, majuru or harurwa. Ndizvo here zvinodiwa nevanhu?

If we were to spare a brief moment as a nation and kneel down or bow our heads and pray, our prayer should be explicit and specific “Lord, grant President Mugabe the wisdom and courage to listen to his innermost voice and do the right thing for Zimbabwe in his last days”. There is never a wrong time to do the right thing, I believe.

As for the MDC (all variations), there is no better time to do some serious introspection while making that arduous but necessary journey back to the drawing board guided by a very simple but imperative philosophy;  Re-strategise, Re-align, Re-launch.

Moses Chamboko writes in his personal capacity and can be reached on [email protected]