The Bedroom Gospel according to Mai Gunguwo

Posted on Sep 5 2012 - 4:50pm by admin

By Garikai Mazara

This is a one-off special edition, sparked by none other than Mai Gunguwo, whose approach to bedroom matters has become viral on social networks. If you are not a married person, this article is not for you. Please skip this and proceed to the other pages. For she calls a spade a spade.

The Bedroom Gospel according to Mai Gunguwo

The Bedroom Gospel according to Mai Gunguwo

Over the years we have become used to evangelists, pastors and reverends telling us how great the Lord is, how giving tithes over and over again changes our lives, presumably for the better. Or the other breed of pastors, smart and full of swag, telling us our identity card numbers. Or the other miracle men and women, who pick on planted patients in audiences, to stand and walk — to shame the devil.

And now comes a breed of preaching from Mai Gunguwo, who tells her congregants, mostly women, that the best way to the Lord’s heart is through your legs. And that you need to work hard, in your bedroom, to please your husband, as much as pleasing your Lord.

Hallelujah!

There are things that we grew up hearing, and because it was hearsay, most of us presumed it was just that — rumour. But Mai Gunguwo tells us, in her brash sermons, that women, instead of just singing and praising the Lord at the top of their voices, also need to take care of the bedroom.

Mai Gunguwo addresses issues that we think taboo, things that we think simple, things that we see as despicable.

She imparts advice and tips that will help you ensure that your husband wanders no more, and how to make your husband forget about his former Maggies. Apologies to all Margarets and Maggies, I didn’t just pick on your name, blame it all on Mai Gunguwo.

Bedroom issues have remained largely taboo in our culture and given the pace at which the social fabric is wearing, there could be some light at the end of Mai Gunguwo’s sermons.

And she testifies equally, for she says she raised an orphaned girl, and she had to assume the role of mother and aunt, a role that she says she is proud of today, because that girl is going into the bedroom well-equipped. And not with sex toys, but a fertile and blessed sexual imagination.

Pity the sermon that I heard was audio, for she was saying on that particular day she was dressed in a mini-skirt, for effect. She wanted the gathered women to understand how enticing a woman can be, and how that enticing can be done in the home — wife to husband. She goes on to implore women to be prostitutes, prostitutes to their husbands.

Another hallelujah!

Many a time you walk past a woman in the streets and she would be smelling of womanhood (I know some men love the smell), but imagine that smell in your blankets, from around 6.30pm (’cause of load shedding) till morning! Yet the treatment is very simple, very affordable. Just sprinkle some water. Yeah, heard you, water shortage is biting across town and country, but could still that be an excuse?

She despises women who demand expensive cellphones from their husbands, yet they are not using the cheap ones they already have, to send a simple sms, “I love you, darling. Have a good day”. Yet the demanded gadgets are used for other, non-essential, entities, when your husband is there.

What the Lord has put together, let no cold put asunder, she boldly declares. This being a call to women who sleep in their tights and pull-overs and are rigid as the log, when it comes to matters of the bedroom.

She says, I am sure with a bucketful of experience, that men need an imaginative woman, an adventurous partner. This is precisely because the majority of today’s men spend most of their working hours in front of the Internet, where they see all sorts and types of women — driving their imagination.

So when the man comes home, after eight hours drooling on the net, the best remedy is to dress him down, and not with words, but with sensual actions.

Quite a pity that the sermon I heard was intended for women, my only wish be that she do the same for men (that is if she hasn’t already), for men are equally guilty — sinful if you want to put it in Christian terms, of neglecting the bedroom aspect of their marriages.

There is that breed of men who get into the bedroom, get up there — and at times snore soundly. They forget that women do have sensations as well, and that those need to be attended to. That women have hot spots.

That the boss has been breathing down one’s neck the whole day is no excuse for hubby to be mechanical, and not sensual, in the bedroom. And there is the other breed — the dirty breed. That you have to speak to, a yard away, because their mouth is so foul, as a crocodile’s. And imagine that mouth kissing you, just!

Yet another hallelujah!

Sermons like Mai Gunguwo’s give a different and new meaning to spiritualism, that before we claim to be holy before God, let us be holy before our marriage partners, for marriage is the cornerstone of society.

She says her sermons are a result of the years that she has spent being a pastor’s wife, as couples usually come to them for counselling, and usually on the brink of divorce, and that most of the problems seem universal — sexual boredom.

Given how popular her sermons have become, it could be a question of time before she hosts a radio show, or TV show, only that the slot has to be late night listening/viewing, for her boldness does not augur well for broad daylight. Sunday Mail

Listener discretion is strongly advised. LISTEN HERE

  • Taguta

    Haiwa kani,kungohumana zvisina basa,vakadzi vaita sei,kutinyepera .Rudo vaviri mbuyawe ,gone are the days dzekusadharara makumbo pamunhu asina nguva newe,tiregei zvedu dai tofa nemaBP,BONDE KUFADZANA KWETE KUSADHARARA KUFADZA MUNHU.

  • No Rest

    Mai Gunguwo’s preaching sounds like a whore’s preaching. The truth is that sex cannot be perceived as something that is done 24 hours a day, day in day out. Yes, there is need for both parties to be imaginative but ndokunge makaguta and your minds are not stressed by something else like lack of money and vital necessities. At the end of the day anyone chero chirema chaicho chinogona sex yacho. Vanopenga mai ava, vashaya basa. I would not waste my time listening to her disgusting sermons.

    • lovemore

      No rest haazorore ndofunga mukadzi wechikwambo

    • tinomunjanga1

      that was a stolen sermon and placed on the public domain otherwise hers were wise words. nowadays people only want to hear about prosperity when their families are in disaster. thumps up to Mai Gunguwo

  • Mai Chitevere

    vasiyei zvavo ma gunguwo inga vakati yakato leaker vaitozviparidzirawo havo pamusangano

  • Tapiwa

    Pamberi naamai Gunguo, vakadzi ndiko kuti vazive zvavakavinga kuvarume vavo.

  • Mai Kuu

    Her preaching is good becoz what she says is very true but she is one sided,what about the men?

    • Mudiwa

      I think by saying that, we start the blame game again. When someone advises me, l should take the advice and use it not to say “aah, munongoudza ini ko madii maudzawo nhingi”. A day for men shall come and it may not even be from her. l have heard a lot at my church on men and it helps if you want it to help.

  • Chipo Moyo

    i think this mai gunguwo ie sent from the devil, the church is supposed to preach christianity and not bedroom issues. she should rather open a talkshow of bedroom issues rather than using Gods church as her platform

    • Basideo

      the church is used to hipocrisy as evidenced by your comment

    • Mudiwa

      Whose church are you talking about? If your church does not then do not think every other church should not. Why does it bother you that much?

  • Chokwadi Chinorwadza

    akubiyira zanho ndewako, muzaso yeuka bako manaiwa nemvura.

  • Getty

    As a feminist I think she is right to openly discuss sexual matters to women in her church, however, I find it a bit disturbing that she is openly & encouraging women (now in the presence of the entire social network) to engage in a form of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). First of all, if she is a true believer of God, then she would know that God created a woman in her perfect form. Women do not have imperfections and never had. We do not need to enhance anything that God created, and especially if the reasons are for the sexual pleasure of men. There is no medical, religious or scientific reasons for mutilating a woman’s vagina, clitoris, labia minora with a knife or ‘Vaseline’. Ndakakwana the way God created me. I don’t need to have a boob job, hair extensions, bleached skin or tummy tucks cause God just did it for me and saw I was good, therefore, I trust His judgement more than advice from Mai Gunguwo. Yes, sex needs to be openly discussed in our culture, yes the church is a place to reach more people to cater for these discussions but can we give women the right message in these platforms? What message of the woman’s body are preaching? Women all over the world are fighting to end FGMs and here she is encouraging it. When we talk about sexual violence, this is exactly one other form. Placing cultural pressures on women to feel the need to be ‘adequate’ if they have longer labia minora is a crime against women’s rights. Imagine how many women in that audience have already began mutilating their bits with Vaseline thinking it will enhance their sexual performance in the bedroom? I think that is not a wise approach to tackling issues of the bedroom as it puts blame and pressure on women to mutilate their bodies as a solution for sexual pleasure. It diverts attention from the real problems in people’s marriages regarding sex. Mai Gunguwo sent an entirely opposite message to women about their womanhood and it is utterly disturbing. I would love to hear her response to my comment.

    • Mudiwa

      Everyone is right in their own way. There are things that we might dismiss using all legal terms but to be honest they really do matter on the ground. Most men do like it (and please the word mutilation might mean cutting something which she did not say). Don’t you think she has the right to teach what she thinks is good and let those who take it listen and learn. If me and you do not think it helpful, then we should pass as a christian will pass the Qur’an. This is helping some family out there so lets not stop her at the expense of those who need it. We can not control all the people in the world by telling them what to say and how to tackle social issues for every situation demands its own solution. Some are crying for the latest car on the market whilst some what they only want is a single drop of water(in drought stricken countries). just to show how different we are.

    • Tendai Sean Joe

      You do your part to women, record videos YOUTUBE is for free, post and share. Send the your right message. Let people make choices. Free world, free expression.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Baba-Tino/1151805805 Baba Tino

      ndosaka muchirambwa navarume

  • ANCYouthLeague

    this is just wrong. you people need to investigate a story before posting it willy nilly. That woman in that video is not Mai Gunguwo but someone else completely.

  • Tsungai Jani

    Ndanyara!!!!

  • Mellissa Carol Mukundu

    l in my own words call this a whore’s preaching making men believe that women r sex objects,l ve listened to the hallucinations she calls preaching all she is doing is encouraging christian women to dress like prostitutes just to satify men’s sexual fantasies!then sum go on to call that gospel preaching l min seriously

  • Collens Tokoti Thumps

    up to her.she is a visionary woman.continue teaching coz vanatete hakuchina

  • huregrace

    I like her preachings.Yes women must be fully equipped down below,with those long labia minora.Dont be lazy women,stretch them out using vaseline.I did mine when i was young and im proud of them.I didnt even need to use vaseline.It was just a hobby of stretching them out.

  • mutendi

    avo vaviri vanonzi taguta na no rest imboko chaidzo! hasha dzenyu ndedzeyi, inzara here? i think people would rather take advice from mai ava than from the likes of you because you obviously have issues. i haven’t listened to her sermons nd most likely won’t but more power to her

  • HOVIO(HOHOHO)VIGORONY

    HA HA KO KUNGOSUNGAWO ZVINEI….BUT UUUU NO PAMWE VANE POINT MAI AVA

  • manyemwe

    yes this is something ladies for warned is for armed

  • Mpumelelo Matutu

    She needs to get saved,hakuna munhu anaMweya mutsvene anotaura mashoko avarikutaura ayo…

    • http://www.facebook.com/mazvita1227 Mazvita Marange

      ndosaka ma pastor achizoenda nevamwe vakadzi muchiti hazvitaurwi muchechi. Chinyowani chii ipapo. She is very right in today’s life.

  • pai

    Its unfortunate that the woman in the video is not Mai Gunguwo. Mai Gunguwo is the lady in the picture. This message was directed to a group of women especially those who are married to christians, not to take their marriages for granted. I think ane nzeve ngaadzwe. Looking after your husband will definately help you and not Mai Gunguwo. She is playing her part as a wife. Remain blessed Pator Gunguwo

  • mutendi

    Bhaibheri rinoti, “nekumagumo enguva, kuchava ne….

  • Tendai Sean Joe

    Viva Mai Gunguwo. You are not like one of the fakes out there. Now organise Seminars for both Husbands and Wives. Preach to them, teach them. Sezvazviri. You are building a community. Musanyeperwe nevanozviti vari Holy apa happiness kumba iZERO.

  • stret talker

    Pliz that is not Mai Gunguwo preaching its a lady from mutare..but note its ot AMAI GUNGUWOO pliz note in this womans teachings..at one tym she utters her husbands surname which is not Gunguwo plus they dont even look a like.

  • proud of magunguwo

    heads up to amai gunguwo coz nwadays hakuchina vana tete vanoraira ndikokuraira kwacho so that we women go astray really wen it come to th bedroom

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.dumani Barbara Dumani

    true

  • pheobe

    Please the lady below is not amai gunguwoo check the pics..the second sermon was not done by amai Gunguwo pliz..

  • Konni Mushaikwa

    there r a lot mo issues that need addressing other than sex people now abusr e word God inorder to make money where is ths woman s husband? we want GODLY teachings that cover all aspects of life not sexism

  • nyabereka m

    she said anytime is tea time pawadira iwe murumwe hakuna inonzi loitarring kanauine ur wife pawadira

  • thabs

    yah , the motive was ryt bt there’s also some wolfs in sheep clothing behind ” devil ” if the intetion was to educate
    only ,coz when she started she asked all men to go away ,then why did it have to come out thru m
    edia as if media it’s for women & not just women bt women in her church only . & some filthy words holding the HOLY WORD OF GOD . no ndezvekuma kitchen party not in church with pple vano recorder . even her husband hearing that hw he acts in their bedroom , those things are suppose to be private ,zvinobvisa value pashoko ramwari zvoita kunge mahumbwe

  • Daniel Kuddly K Mpala

    where can i get a copy of the sermon?

  • devang

    she speaks the truth but both parties shld make an effort

  • NO-NONSENSE

    Utter rubbish old woman!!! You have no place behind that pulpit!!

  • kelin chatindo

    @feminist,i think she meant labia minora pulling not mutilation as this would be a contradiction.FGM is meant to deprive women of sexual pleasure in the name of religion.from christians perspective we are glad that at least someone is talking about it.most of us have unhappy sex lives while as a face we portray a holy and perfect image.maybe you are not an unhappy married christian with none to advice but still expected to hold on until the 2nd coming but not allowed to cheat or divorce.that would make God unjust,prescribing marriage for propagation only and not for pleasure yet He gave us sensitive body parts.

  • kelin chatindo

    they(women) do not realize that mai gunguwo is famous with men not because they think she is promiscuous but they have found someone who talks from a christian perspective. don’t be stupid ladies,why do you think some of your unbelieving send you to church while they themselves don’t go.they hope you will be taught how to keep your homes.wake up,Christians are still members of society and they have sex all the time.why shouldn’t they be taught on its significance and how it should be done?